


Roses

by fragileb0nes



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Captain America: The First Avenger, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Smut, Steggy - Freeform, Steve x Peggy - Freeform, Work Romance, hidden romance, post-agent carter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-05-23 21:37:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6130870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragileb0nes/pseuds/fragileb0nes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peggy Carter knew full well what it meant to be a woman in the army in her day and age. It meant reservation, discretion, professionalism, and a lot of looking out for herself. She was good at it, good enough to get herself into a position with a sliver of respect. It was like a lonely existence in a crowded room, but a meager blonde soldier from Brooklyn with a hell of a lot to offer adjusted everything for her- in every way possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Have Some Faith (Preface)

**Author's Note:**

> I know the story of Steve and Peggy has kind of been beaten to death, but I couldn't help myself. Oops.  
> **BECAUSE THIS STORY TAKES A SPIN AT PEGGY'S POINT OF VIEW AND PERSPECTIVE, SOME QUOTES ARE OF THOSE OF THE FILMS (ESPECIALLY MORE TOWARDS THE BEGINNING). I OWN NOTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THEM.**

“You’re not kidding, are you?” Peggy asked without moving her eyes from the boys running one of their first drills. A part of her hoped it was a joke, but another part of her was greatly interested in the idea even more than before she had a chance to see Erskine’s prime candidate.

“He’s not.” Colonel Phillips exhaled. “That Q-tip over there is the cream of the crop apparently.”

“I’m confident Steven is what we need.” Erskine piped up.

“He weighs as much as my sister’s cat.” Phillips scoffed.

“You can’t deny he’s a bit small, Doctor.” Peggy added, trying to form her words in such a way that she wouldn’t insult the doctor’s work, but remind him that his choice pick was unbelievably small. He had to be the slightest man to ever cross the threshold of Lehigh. She watched the way he obviously struggled, and it was barely the beginning.

“Have some faith, please. Rogers here is a great candidate for the project. Give him some time.” Erskine sounded so sure.

“We’ve got time to pick someone else.” Phillips said before beginning to walk away. “Not a lot, but enough.”

“I’m going to take your word for it.” Peggy sighed. She knew there wasn’t a whole lot of conviction in her words, but she wanted the man to be right considering how brilliant he’d proven himself to be.

“Good,” Erskine grinned and half stepped to follow Phillips. “I know what I’m doing, believe it or not.”

Peggy grinned back and watched him leave, and then turned her attention back to the boot campers. She especially turned her attention back to this Steven Rogers to maybe find something to give him the benefit of the doubt, which would be hard to do considering she read his file before he even showed up that morning. He was a sick young man from New York who had nothing, and was now about to be ground to the bone. She didn’t know him, and sure as hell wasn’t particularly looking out for anyone, considering she was the only woman among a sea of men who saw her as just a woman before anything else, but she couldn’t help but begin to root for him, just like Erskine was. She was beginning to give herself room to believe that there might just be something more to the new soldier with golden hair and rosy cheeks.


	2. The Test

Over a month of training had gone by, and physically, from what Peggy had observed, not a whole lot of progress was made on Rogers’ part. She continued to watch him suffer through drills and take longer to catch his breath than the others. Despite the physical limitations, he was incredibly observant and smart- much smarter than many of the empty headed ninnies that were running around the camp. He’d made that ingenuity and cleverness very clear when he retrieved the flag during one of the many drills. With one simple pull of the pin, he had the flag in hand and was exempt from the rest of the running that everyone else had to do. She greatly admired his tenacity, and understood what it meant to give more than everyone else just for a little bit of validation. In fact, she’d been particularly thinking about telling him that she appreciated his effort, and had to fight the notion to go follow him every time he retired earlier than everyone else for the night.

That need to tell him grew quite a bit one day towards the end of his time at camp when she was running the drills for that portion of the day.

“Come on, girls.” She said in a singsong-y voice, taunting them as they switched from pushups to jumping jacks.

Rogers was a few paces behind as per usual, and she wasn’t going to be too harsh on him for it, even if he had preferred it that way. Then, with no warning whatsoever, a small, green thing came bouncing through the row of campers.

“Grenade!” It was Phillips’ voice that had sounded out and sent everyone scrambling.

Peggy immediately felt herself lurch forward, her first thought being that throwing oneself on top of a grenade before it blows greatly minimizes the damage done. Without any thought at all, she seemed ready to die right there in the middle of the camp.

Someone beat her to the draw though, making themselves the minimizer in mere seconds. Rogers had thrown himself down on top of the grenade, curling up around it to save everyone else.

“Get away! Get back!” He screamed while staying curled and pressed to the ground. Everybody else had taken cover besides Rogers and herself.

A few silent moments passed with no explosion, just Rogers still crouched over the grenade.

“Dummy grenade, all clear. Back in formation.” A voice said as everyone slowly returned to what they were doing.

Rogers sat up, panting a little with sweat on his face. “Is this a test?” He asked.

No one answered him, letting him figure it out for himself. As everyone shook the moment off, Peggy couldn’t help but give him a long look of Well done, man, and her admiration for his grit and sacrifice grew.

* * *

 Later that evening, after the sun was almost all the way set in the sky and everybody had been fed, was the short time that was usually allotted to the campers for free time. They often struck up some kind of quick game that Peggy noticed Rogers never took part of. She caught him as he was walking back to his bunking tent alone.

“Rogers,” She said, catching his attention as he was ahead of her.

He turned around and respectfully straightened up his shoulders. He almost looked surprised that she was speaking to him. “Agent Carter,”

She paused for a moment, realizing she hadn’t done much speaking to him at all in his time there, she had been too busy observing him and trying to figure out what kind of man he was going to be when this was all said and done. “You’re not going to stay?” She motioned with her head towards to area where other men were playing one of their simple games.

He looked passed her at the group playing and wore a small smirk on his weary face. “I think I get my fill enough during the day, especially today.”

He truly did look a bit exhausted, and she didn’t blame him. He gave it his absolute all day in and day out, and frankly she was awaiting the project to begin just so everything wouldn’t be so physically demanding for him anymore. “I wanted to speak to you about that. What you did today was quite commendable.”

His flushed and rosy lips pursed in an understanding grin as he shrugged his thin shoulders. “Just doing what was right, is all.”

She pursed her lips as well. “Right,” She nodded once. “Well you did your job today, good work.”

“Thank you,” He nodded once as well. “Goodnight, Agent.”

“Goodnight, Rogers. See you in the morning.”

He relieved himself of his straightened shoulders and turned to walk away, leaving Peggy standing there, foolishly thinking about how much utmost respect and admiration she had for such a small man.


	3. A Damn Masterpiece

The day of Project: Rebirth is one that she was sure that she would never forget in her entire life.

It started early, when the sun was peeking up over the horizon and she was sent to pick Rogers up to take him to the facility where the project would go underway.

“Good morning,” She said as he got into the car and sat down in the backseat beside her.

“’Morning,” He nodded, running his hands once down the tops of his pants, surely wiping them of sweat. There was no doubt in the world that he was nervous.

“How did you sleep?”

“I didn’t.” He exhaled. “Couldn’t think of much else but this.”

“Understandably,” She nodded. “Are you excited to be going back to Brooklyn?”

He sighed, with his mouth twitching into a passing grin. “I think so.”

Rogers spent most of the ride looking out the window, making it easier for her to look at him, gather him in without him noticing. It was obvious to see in his small frame that he was anxious, making his whole body look as if it was tightened up. There was a slightly haggard look under his pretty eyes, but it was usually there- it being a safe assumption that he was always a little tired. She studied the bone structure of his face, and noted that it was near perfect, it didn’t matter that it was accompanied by such a slight body. He was small, but he was by no means hard to look at. In fact, she would never admit it, but she couldn’t help but find him incredibly beautiful in a strange and unconventional way.

They had entered New York City and Brooklyn, and were getting quite close to where Project Rebirth would go underway. She could feel the tension within herself rising as well, hoping that everything would turn out as planned.

“I got beat up in that alley,” He said as he pointed. They were obviously back in his old stomping grounds. “In that parking lot, and behind that diner.” He said in a nearly defeated tone, as if he had just reminded her of how incapable he was.

“Did you have something against running away?” She asked.

He shook his head. “You start running, they’ll never let you stop. You stand up, push back. Can’t say no forever, right?”

“I know a little of what that’s like, to have every door shut in your face.” She wanted him to know that she too had to do a bit of clawing to get to where she was. No one was handing out free passes to her anytime soon.

“I guess I just don’t know why you’d want to join the army if you were a beautiful dame. Or a woman- an agent, not a dame. You are beautiful, but-“

She wouldn’t allow herself to show the hitch in her brain when he called her beautiful. “You have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?”

He smiled, knowing he’d made an ass of himself. “I think this is the longest conversation I’ve had with one.” His smiled faded away as he looked down at his lap. “Women aren’t exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on.”

“You must’ve danced?” She knew it was none of her business, but she couldn’t help herself from asking anyway.

“Well, asking a woman to dance always seemed so terrifying, and the passed few years it just didn’t seem to matter that much. Figured I’d wait.”

“For what?” She asked with a softer voice, pressing on for an answer.

He cocked his head as he answered. “The right partner,”

She pursed her lips to a grin and looked away from him. This small bit of insight into how he so humbly saw himself, and how he saw that the world saw him made her all the more sure that Erskine had made the perfect choice for the project.

* * *

His nerves were still very apparent as they got out of the car and stepped inside Brooklyn antiques, and she knew they grew worse as they entered the secret laboratory where the project would go underway. They began to separate after Erskine advised her to watch on with everyone else; Rogers was headed for experimentation and she was going up to the observatory space above the lab. She had wanted to at least squeeze his arm and let him know that everything was going to turn out fine, but she wasn’t so sure of that herself. All she could do now was watch and pray that it went right.

She continued to watch after he removed his hat and shoes and shirt, noting yet again in her mind that the man they were toying with was so frail and breakable. There’d be hell to pay if they broke him, and she would most certainly be pointing all kinds of fingers. He was positioned correctly in the pod, and the process was going to start any second. She continued to pray silently and fervently that this was not the day Steve Rogers was going to die. Peggy held her breath as she watched the serum being injected into him, looking painful enough, before the pod began close and lift to the upright position. She swallowed, hoping that was not the last time she’d see him.

         Erskine gave Howard Stark the okay to start turning the dial for the vita rays, making a bright light illuminate from inside the pod. Ten, twenty, thirty percent, his vitals were normal and nothing seemed to be going awry. _Rogers actually might have a change to come out unscathed,_ she thought. It wasn’t until they reached seventy percent that the light got brighter and she could hear him screaming from inside the pod. Peggy’s immediate reaction was to jump up, say something, do anything to make it stop.

“Shut it down! Shut it down!” She commanded with purpose. She couldn’t help from sounding so firm and urgent. Everyone was scrambling to kill the power before his screaming stopped all together.

It was then Rogers proposed something else with a muffled voice from inside the pod. “No!” He said. “Don’t! I can do this!” He wasn’t going to give up, he had made that quite eloquently clear in the past and it was apparent that he wasn’t going to start quitting today.

Peggy’s jaw was clenched so tight it hurt her teeth as they apprehensively continued the process. Eighty, ninety, then one-hundred percent. The light from the pod got so bright she could barely look, all while other machinery in the lab started sparking and short-circuiting. _Shit,_ she cursed. _He’s dead. They killed him and we all watched._ The light went out the sparking came to a stop, darkening the whole room. Her knuckles were white as she held on to the railing in front of her.

“Mr. Stark,” Erskine barked, as if the two of them were going to muddle their way through handling such an observed and otherworldly death. She could strangle both of them right then and there. How dare they cut short the life of such a humble and honest man that wanted nothing more than to prove he had something to offer? The first flicker of stinging danced across her eyes; she didn’t even know Rogers but she was ready to angrily mourn him and ensure he didn’t die for nothing.

Just as she was about to fly down the stairs to make everyone pay, the pod popped open with a puff of smoke. She cringed, awaiting the mess that was probably inside. Although, what she saw was just the opposite of that. He was alive. _He was alive._ The heavy breathing from his chest told her that. But she had trouble focusing on the fact that he was alive, she was too busy looking at what they had done to him.

He was _perfect_. He was flushed and sweaty like he had just ran a race, but he was without a doubt perfect. It seemed like he doubled in size. His once frail and wispy frame filled out completely, every muscle was sculpted and defined. Rogers looked like he had just stepped right out of a Greek mythology book about the gods. _He was perfect._ Peggy had gone from wanting to punch Erskine and Stark in the mouth to wanting to kiss them on the mouth for doing what they had just done. They had the super-soldier they wanted, and they couldn’t have had a better candidate.

Peggy came flying down the stairs to see up close for herself. She pushed passed the small and bustling crowd around him and made her way to front and center. _He’s even better up close, I can’t believe it,_ she thought. She couldn’t help her eyes from studying every inch of him that she could see. Still perfect up close, a damn masterpiece as far as she was concerned.

She managed to push some words up out of her mouth. “How do you feel?”

His breathing was still labored as he looked around the room. “Taller,” He whispered.

Without even thinking, Peggy reached out and touched him for a fraction of a second, still dumbfounded that someone like this could even exist in the first place. She then picked his new t-shirt out of the hands of the closest lab assistant and held it up over him. “You look taller,”

Before another thought could even enter her head, everything turned into a blurry and bloody mess in an instant. First, there was the explosion from the observation box, blowing glass everywhere and making people duck for cover. After a moment of shock, Peggy watched as one of the men who had watched the experiment grab the last of the serum meant for Steve before he started shooting. He hit Erskine twice in the chest, sending him toppling over. She took a few shots at him but only managed to seemingly graze his jacket or his arm, it was all too quick to tell. She then looked for Rogers in all of the commotion, making sure nothing hit him as well. He was leaning over Erskine as he took his last breaths, and then almost immediately was up and chasing after the spy. Peggy ran too, trying to keep up with Rogers as he flew up out of the lab. The spy had apprehended a taxi back out on the street and was well on his way to fleeing the scene. The car was flying in her direction as she stood in the middle of the street, gun aimed right at him. He wasn’t slowing down but she wasn’t moving out of the way- it was going to be him or her. Just as it was about to come down to making the perfect shot, she was forcibly shoved out of the way. Rogers. That son of a bitch had pushed her out of the way, making them both a heap on the pavement.

“I had him!” She growled, untangling herself from him.

He got up in a hurry too, scrambling to his feet and starting to run after the shooter. “Sorry!” He said as he headed off in a hurry.

A real hurry, in fact. Not only had the serum done a great deal in changing his size, he was now incredibly fast. He was nearly keeping up with the car for as long as she could see until they turned onto another street.

She and a few other agents that were in the lab got together to catch up with Rogers for backup. Actually, it wasn’t backup at all. It was meant to be first response to save him as he held the remainder of the serum in his body. He was unarmed and unprotected- he was barefoot for God’s sake.

They managed to catch up with him at the harbor; apparently they had missed all the fun. When she came up onto the scene, the spy, undoubtedly a Hydra spy, was dead and foaming at the mouth with the broken vial of the serum leaking out onto the ground beside him. He most likely had poisoned himself like a bloody coward. Rogers was standing over the dead body, staring down at his body like he hadn’t had the chance to really notice what had been done to him. Project: Rebirth had been a perfect name for the operation, he was brand new and just as super as they had hoped he would be.

* * *

The rest of the day was a time to regroup and assess the damage. The remaining members of the project and lab team were busy running all sorts of tests on Rogers to make sure the serum hadn’t harmed him in any way. They checked his brainwaves and heart rate, and took blood for evaluation and preservation in hopes that maybe they could extract the serum within him to try the project again with more candidates. Peggy couldn’t help herself from watching on as they took blood from him. She had to reassure him that everything was going to be all right, that Erskine didn’t die in vain. The promise of all of Erskine’s work and the serum and Project: Rebirth lived within Rogers, and he was worth it. She knew Phillips would want to head out any second to Europe to extinguish the Hydra flames that had just been burnt with. At least Rogers would get to come along to help in the efforts.

At least, that’s what she thought.

_You are not enough._ The words the Colonel had said to Rogers seemed to sting her almost as much as they did to him. Not enough? What was not enough about him? In the confusion that followed, Phillips, Stark, Peggy, and a handful of personnel were headed for London. Everyone who should have been going but Rogers. She didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to him, and she thought about it as their rickety plane lifted off the ground and into the night sky.

* * *

It only took less than a week in London for it to all go to shit. When she found out the news, Peggy’s blood was immediately boiling. _A bond tour._ A bond tour bouncing across the U.S. starring the new “Captain America”. _Coming to a city near you._ She was sure steam was blowing out her ears as she stomped right over to Phillips’ office in London. He was in desperate need of a piece of her mind.

She made sure her steps were particularly loud as she tramped towards the door, passing everyone else in the office who stared at her like she had three giant heads on her shoulders as she swung the it open with volume and force. He was sitting at his desk doing paperwork like a sitting duck patiently waiting for her to open fire on him.

“You,” She seethed as she closed the door behind her. “You turned him into a spectacle.” Her words came out like angry flames licking across everything in her way.

He peered up from his paperwork and set his pen down next to the rose red ashtray with a lit cigar slowly burning in it. “I assume you’re talking about Rogers. Am I correct?”

“How could you do this?”

“I didn’t do a thing, Carter. I just told him no back in Brooklyn, the Senator gave him that job. I had nothing to do with it.”

“He doubled in size and is stronger and quicker than anyone I’ve ever seen in my life. What more do you want, man?” She still was having trouble understanding why after all of that he was still turned away.

“We didn’t get the whole army we were shooting for. Plus, he’s a liability, Agent Carter. We don’t know how permanent or temporary the serum is going to be for him. The setting for those repercussions is anywhere but a battlefield. You and I both know that.”

Her teeth were clenched so tight on her tongue she was sure her mouth would be filling with blood any second. “He’s going to be a damn sellout.”

“I hope he does sell out- in every city he visits. Bonds are always a nice thing to have more of.” He exhaled and sat back in his chair. “Look, I know you’ve been fascinated with Rogers and the whole Project: Rebirth business, but it’s over now. We’re in a war zone. It’s time to focus on what’s important here, and that’s the war and trying to get Hydra to kick the bucket. There isn’t much else I can say.”

Peggy breathed in slowly through her nose, trying to level out how livid she was. “Permission to speak freely, sir?”

“Is that not what you’ve been doing since you walked in here?”

“You’re a stubborn arse of a man, Phillips. Erskine died for nothing because of you, I hope you know that.”

He smirked with a smugness in his expression that made her want to fly across the table and really show him how mad she really was. He shook his head dismissively. “I believe you’re supposed to be leading in a little fieldwork tomorrow, why don’t you go debrief your cohorts?”

Peggy couldn’t help but roll her eyes and let out an agitated growling sound as she turned and left, slamming the door behind her. She respected Phillips with every inch of her; she didn’t want that to be unclear. But that respect had nothing to do with how irate and frustrated she truly was with him. For the millionth time in his life, Steven Rogers was told no, again, and there was not a thing in the world she could do about it. Thousands of good men were spilling into Europe and the Pacific to fight, and the one man who was the most cut out for the job would be parading on a stage selling bonds. The thought made her feel sick.


	4. An Observant One

Even though she hadn’t gotten a chance to say her goodbyes to Rogers, she didn’t find much time to dwell on that. Europe and its Hydra infection had plenty to keep her busy. The S.S.R. London office was where she spent most of her time if she wasn’t out doing a bit of fieldwork for a few weeks at a time; it was a large and expanse bunker under the city downtown where much of the dealings with Hydra were handled. One day, she managed to get her work done early and find a little time to visit her parents’ home in Hampstead. It wasn’t too far outside the city, and she promised herself that no matter how much it was going to sting, she wouldn’t stay long.

She knew it was a bad idea not to call beforehand, but she thought surprising them would be worlds more fun. As the car rolled up to the home where she grew up, she couldn’t help but feel the smallest lump make camp in her throat. There were so many sweet memories she had there, and some that still tasted so bitter even years later.

It felt strange to knock on the door of her own house, but she’d been gone so long that part of her didn’t see it fit to just walk right in. It would be like stepping into a life that didn’t exactly fit her right anymore. Her mother opened the heavy wooden door, and nearly melted when her eyes fell on her daughter.

“Peggy!” She exclaimed, immediately weepy as she threw her arms around her. “Oh, Peg, you’re home!”

“Hi, Mum,” Peggy smiled and held up her mother. The lump grew a little with guilt. It was easy to stay away while she was away, but coming home made her never want to leave. Her parents were growing old alone, and from time to time the notion crossed her mind that she was an incredibly selfish little twit to ever leave them in the first place.

“Come in, child, come in! What are you doing here?” Her mother held onto her arm and led her inside.

Peggy shut the door behind her as they headed for the sunroom. “I’ve been at the London office for a little while, and I finally found some time to come home for the afternoon.”

“How long is a little while?” Mrs. Carter furrowed her eyebrows.

“Not long,” Peggy shook her head and pursed her lips, trying to make light of it. “Only a few weeks.” It was only a bit of a lie.

 _“Weeks?_ And you’re just getting here today?”

Peggy smiled and rolled her eyes. “I didn’t know if I’d be finding any time, Mum! I was afraid I wouldn’t get any.”

“Well I’m glad you found some time for the little people.” Her mother winked. “Sit down, I’ve already got a pot of tea on.”

Peggy smiled and sat down on the cushioned ottoman in the sunroom, crossing her ankles and sitting pretty as she waiting for her mother to return. Her mother looked older than she had since the last time she saw her, rightfully so. The war had taken its toll anywhere it could- leaving no one out. It pricked at her heart, but she did her best to squash the feeling quickly. There wasn’t much she could do about it. Peggy looked out through the giant windows to the garden, noting that the flowers were blooming beautifully this year and the rose bush her father had planted for her mother years ago had climbed even further up the side of the house since she’d last been there. It was yet another reminder that it had been some time. She then remembered that she didn’t have to sit so prim and proper like she was, this was her own home after all. She awkwardly uncrossed her ankles and smoothed out her skirt. Despite the sweetness, safeness, and nostalgia that filled in her chest when she arrived- there was still something about it now that didn’t feel as homey as it used to. She knew what that thing was, and it was never coming back.

“You’re in luck, it’s your favorite! Earl Grey- I put it on for your father, whenever he gets home.” Mrs. Carter said as she handed Peggy her teacup. It was the same white, chipped china her mother had used since the beginning of time. She sat down across from Peggy in a creaky wooden chair.

“Where is Dad anyway?”

“He had to do some business for a client up the road, he should be home anytime now. He’ll be so delighted you were able to come by, Peg.” She grinned warmly and reached out to touch her daughter’s hand. “Tell me what you’ve been up to, other than running around like a hooligan with a bunch of men.”

Peggy smiled. “You know most of my work is classified, Mum, even when I was code breaker.”

“ _Most_ of it is classified, I know. What can you tell me? Throw your old mum a bone.”

She sipped at her tea before answering, deciding that with the amount of worrying she knew her mother did it was only fair to give her a little something. “We’re just trying to pinpoint where Hydra bases are exactly, I’ve told you about Hydra before.” Her mother nodded. “They’ve proven to be quite hard to get a hold of.”

“Have you been out on the field much?”

She pursed her lips, knowing she wouldn’t like the answer. “I told you a spent a great deal of time helping oversee boot camp training in the States, but yes, since getting back over here I’ve been out a time or two.”

Mrs. Carter fought a grimace. “Anything alarming?”

“Classified, Mum,”

Her mother sat back, obviously annoyed and still worried. “Fine,” She said with her lips in a thin line. “If you can’t tell me anything worth telling- tell me about the men.”

“I beg your pardon?” Peggy almost laughed.

“You’re constantly surrounded by them, Peggy, I’d be daft if I didn’t think you’ve eyed at least one of them.

Peggy gave her a wide-eyed look with a raised eyebrow. “What kind of woman do you think I am?”

“An observant one, Margaret Carter.”

Peggy rolled her eyes and cracked a smile, setting her teacup and saucer onto the small table beside her. “The army requires a degree of reservation, so even if I _had_ noticed anyone particularly interesting-“

“Details, child, get on with it.” Her mother waved her hand.

“Well,” She exhaled. “While I was in the States, I got to take part in the boot camp training of a young man within a project. I wasn’t so sure he was cut out for what they were going for, but he quickly proved me very wrong.”

“He was all right?”

“Perfect, even.” She sighed.

Her mother leaned in with anticipation in her tired eyes. “Does this nice Yankee boy have a name?”

His name hadn’t come out of her mouth in some time, so it felt a little strange to say. “Rogers, his name is Steven Rogers.”

Mrs. Carter pursed her lips. “I suppose Steven is on the front lines somewhere now?”

Peggy repositioned how she sat. “Quite the opposite. He’s still in the U.S., a stage character for selling bonds on a city tour.”

“He’s not Captain America, is he?”

It was a good thing Peggy was no longer holding her teacup because she most certainly would’ve dropped it at that moment. “What?”

“Come here, I’ve got something I want to show you.” Her mother stood up and motioned for her to follow.

Peggy jumped up behind her and followed her to her father’s study upstairs. She stood closely behind her mother as she began to shuffle through the mess on his desk, pulling out a newspaper. “Your father’s office happened to get a copy of The Philadelphia Inquirer from two weeks ago- it came in the other day. Is this man on the cover Steven?”

Peggy snatched the newspaper from her mother and stared down at the large, colorful picture on the front page. The headline read “ _The Cap Comes to America’s Birthplace_ ”. There he was, front and center on a stage, clad in a ridiculously tight and patriotic getup, surrounded by two-dozen dancers who were also dressed just as ridiculously. He had his hand raised to his head in salute, but the thing that caught Peggy’s attention most was the grin on his face. It was bright and seemingly proud, like he was doing something right. He still looked perfect, down to the damn wings on the side of the hood on his head. Her lips fought a strange and fascinated grimace. “Why, yes it is.”

“Hmm,” Her mother scoffed. “You were right about the perfect part.”

“Mum!”

“What? I’m not blind, Peggy.”

Peggy smiled and rolled her eyes again, looking back down at the picture. She wondered if he hated it, if he felt he had been robbed of the greater purpose he had been given. The pretty smile on his face said he was happy- even proud as she’d thought before. God, she hoped he was happy somehow. Hopefully something was doing the job, even though part of her greatly wished it wasn’t one of those skinny little chorus girls.

“Any particular reason we’ve congregated in my study?” Peggy’s father’s voice made her nearly jump when she heard it. There he was, standing in the doorway.

“Dad,” She said, feeling her whole self well up a bit again. She was almost tripping over herself to get to him.

“Hello, darling.” His voice was so warm and inviting as it always had been. His arms didn’t feel as strong as before when they wrapped around her, he was getting old too. She closed her eyes and slowly breathed in. What a foolish little girl she was, or at least she thought so right then and there.

* * *

She stayed for a late lunch and two more cups of tea, basking in the glow of her parents while she still could. She knew it would be a long while before she’d come pulling up to their home again. Her father gave her his most recent favorite book, claiming that it “would make a great doorstopper until you get a chance to open it” and her mother stroked out nearly every perfect curl in her hair with her fingers. Peggy made sure that her hugs goodbye were long and tight, and she was unashamed as she left lipstick on their faces. She waved as she walked down the driveway back to the car that was to pick her up, tapping her window twice in goodbye after she’d gotten back in the car. Peggy made sure that the few tears that spilled out of her eyes on the way back to the London office were quiet and far between. She reminded herself over and over that she was doing the right thing, and she was. At the end of the day there was nothing else on the planet that she would have rather been doing. It would all pay off in the end.


	5. Meant For More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter that's heavy on preexisting script since I tried to keep it canon-y. But from here on out it'll be some newly explored stuff :)

Peggy, Phillips, and Howard Stark were doing work with a battalion in Italy when she heard the news. Phillips was there to assess the damage that had most recently been done, Stark was there to give a quick lesson personally to the troops on a new weapon he would soon be distributing to them, and Peggy was there for her usual business of reconnaissance. The 107th infantry they were currently assisting had taken a bad blow from Hydra- the kind that she had tried tirelessly to numb herself to because it was just that devastating. Though she loved the thrill and adventure and reward of the army, she hated the price everyone had to pay.

“Is he?” She said with eyebrows raised. She looked down at the comic book that had been plopped down in her lap. A colorfully illustrated Captain America was on the cover punching a sorry looking Hitler in the face.

“Yup,” The one solider she was speaking to nodded, sipping at his water. “They’re sending that son of a bitch to sing and dance for us. Sweet, huh?”

“Certainly,” She pursed her lips. She found it interesting that no one had found a chance to tell her earlier.

“And hey,” He said as he leaned in slightly. “If they got a slow number, you and me should pair up- show all these other wet blankets what it looks like to have a good time.”

Peggy felt her lips curve into a fine line as she cocked her head and stood up from the crate she had been sitting on. “You know what, soldier? I think if they play something slow, I’ll make sure I’m anywhere else besides close to you.” She gave him a seemingly pleasant but actually all too sour smile before walking away.

“Excited to watch Rogers try and sell you some bonds?” Phillips asked as she entered his tent where he did his paperwork. That paperwork mostly included writing out condolence letters to families back home to inform them that their dear son would not be coming home. He’d been doing that since the day before, seeing that barely any of the 107th had returned.

“Not as excited as I am to have you have to watch what you let him turn into.” She replied. He must have seen her receive the news from across the way.

He sighed. “You can’t guilt me for that anymore, Carter, and I can’t wait for the day you realize he’ll never be field material.”

“When is he coming?”

“Day after tomorrow,”

“Well, I hope he gives you secondhand embarrassment, sir.” She said with a pretty smile and left, and she meant it.

* * *

They popped his stage up before she even woke up that dreary and dark gray morning. It was lined in stars and patriotism- red, white, and blue, absolutely audacious in every way. The stirring amongst the men began when they sighted a few of the girls, something none of them had gotten a chance to see besides her in ages. Although, that stirring grew quickly into laughing and hackling once they had gathered to watch Rogers on stage. And there he was, in her presence again for the first time in what seemed like ages and seconds all at the same time. The serum was still working marvelously, as he was still the picture of perfection- even in that godforsaken outfit. He didn’t dance, thank God, but he did do a lot of smiling and loudly reciting of a script. It was sing-songy and carried on for much longer than she could tell he liked. She bit her tongue as she exhaled long and hard, listening to the men verbally abuse him before beginning to throw things like tomatoes at him. What a bunch of boorish and wasteful pricks. The performance ended early with Rogers shuffling offstage as the girls reentered with cheering from the men- and even that didn’t last very long with the torrential downpour that started soon after.

The rain made people scatter for cover wherever they could find it, whether it was congregating in their tents or laughing under the big trees around camp. Everyone was socializing in their tiny piece of downtime, except for Rogers, much like he had done back at boot camp. Peggy found him sitting off to the side of the stage, penciling something in a worn looking, leather-bound sketchbook.

She approached him, the sound of her coming was drowned out by the rain. “Hello, Steve.” It was the first time she had called him by his first name. It felt right and strange somehow.

He quickly turned to face her, as if she had caught him off guard. “Hi,” He replied with pleasant surprise.

“Hi,” She echoed and sat on a wooden box onstage with her coat in her lap. From where she was sitting she could see what he had been drawing. A rough sketch of Italy with a train across it on one page, and cartoon-y doodle of a patriotic-clad monkey riding a unicycle on a tightrope on the opposite page. _What a damn pity_ , she thought.

“What are you doing here?”

“Officially, I’m not here at all.” She replied. “That was quite a performance.”

He tilted his head and pursed his lips. “Yeah, uh, I had to improvise a little bit. Crowds I’m used to are usually more, uh-“

“But I understand you’re America’s new hope?” She asked strategically, she knew the way he answered would tell her if he really had become the sellout she had feared.

He looked back down at his sketches, she peered at them too. The detail reminded her from reading his file that he had a stint at art school a while back. “Bond sales take a ten percent bump in every state I visit.” His voice was flat, like not a damn part of it mattered.

“Is that Senator Brandt I hear?”

He sighed. “At least he’s got me doing this. Phillips would have had me stuck in a lab.”

This made her a bit angry, the fact that he thought his possibilities were so limited when he’d been made nearly limitless. “And these are your only two options? A lab rat or a dancing monkey? You were meant for more than that, you know.”

Steve inhaled like he was going to speak, but he swallowed it.

“What?” She urged him.

“You know, for the longest time I dreamed about coming overseas and being on the front lines, serving my country. I finally get everything I wanted, and I’m wearing tights.”

Before she could speak, a truck came rolling up through the mud, bringing medics rushing out to get the wounded men out of the back of it. The pair watched as the men on stretchers were rushed into the medical tent through the pouring rain.

“Schmidt sent out a force to Azzano. Two hundred men went against him and less then fifty returned. Your audience contained what was left of the one-oh-seventh. The rest were killed or captured.”

Her words ticked something off in his brain, it was plain to see on his face. The color looked like it was draining right out of him. “The one-oh-seventh?”

“What?” She asked.

He stood up quickly. “Come on!” He went running through the rain towards Phillips’ tent, she tried keeping up with him but even in a muddy, mucky mess he was still so fluidly fast.

“Colonel Phillips,” Steve said nearly breathlessly. She knew he wasn’t winded from the short run; he was urgent over something else.

“Well, if it isn’t the star spangled man with a plan. And what is your plan today?” The Colonel said to him, barely looking up from what he was doing at his desk.

“I need the casualty list for Azzano.” His voice was commanding.

“You don’t get to give me orders, son.” Phillips replied, making an effort to sound more commanding than Rogers had.

“I just need one name- Sergeant James Barnes from the 107th.”

Phillips directed his attention to Peggy, pointing a finger at her. He knew Steve’s boldness had a little help from her. “You and I are gonna have a conversation later that you won’t enjoy.”

Steve spoke up again. “Please just tell me if he’s alive, sir. B-A-R-“

“I can spell.” Colonel Phillips exhaled. He thought a moment before speaking again. “I have signed more condolence letters today than I would care to count, but the name does sound familiar. I’m sorry.”

Steve didn’t say anything, but the look on his face said it all. This Barnes was greatly important to him, and he was taking a hit with the news of his definite demise. “What about the others? Are you planning a rescue mission?”

“Yeah, it’s called winning the war.”

“But if you know where they are, why not at least-“

Phillips was obviously finished with this conversation. “They’re thirty miles behind the lines, through the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. We’d lose more man than we’d save. But I don’t expect you to understand that, since you’re a chorus girl.”

Steve was angry, that was obvious, but he hid it with better reservation than Peggy knew she would have been able to do. “I think I understand just find.”

Colonel Phillips dismissed him away, but Steve didn’t take time to mourn who he’d lost. He headed straight for where his belongings were, and Peggy couldn’t keep herself from following him. He was throwing a few things into a bag, scrambling for a helmet that looked like it belonged to one of his dancers.

“What do you plan to do? Walk to Austria?” She asked as he was hopping into a Jeep, as if to just go looking for this Barnes alone.

“If that’s what it takes.” He said. He had no wavering or hesitation in his voice. He was going to look for him. He was going to die.

“You heard the Colonel. You’re friend is most likely dead.” She had to talk some sort of sense in him before he headed into certain suicide.

“You don’t know that.”

“Even so, he’s devising a strategy to take-“

“By the time he’s done that, it could be too late!” His voice was still sound and urgent, almost as if he was frustrated. “You told me you thought I was meant for more than this. Did you mean that?”

She meant it from deep in her core. He had so much potential and promise, it was bursting out of him. He wanted her verbal approval, but she knew he’d go ahead even if she didn’t give it. “Every word,”

He exhaled. “Then you gotta let me go.”

Right then and there she decided she was going to help. “I can do more than that.”

* * *

Peggy convinced Steve to wait for just a little while longer, give her time to pull some strings. The string she went to tug at was Howard Stark’s, and she knew it wouldn’t take too much pulling to get him to help.

“Fly passed the lines, Peg?” Howard asked with an eyebrow raised. It looked like he was fighting a smirk. She had already roped him in and she knew it.

“He’s convinced he can find his friend alive. Plus, he might have a chance to find the men that are most definitely still alive before Schmidt’s through with them.”

“You’ve got faith in him to do this?”

She sighed. “I do.”

“Well,” Howard walked passed her. “We better be quiet and quick, Carter.”

“You’ll do it?”

“Of course!” He stopped fighting the smirk, turning her way and letting it paint itself so classically on his face. “I’ve got faith in him too, I helped create him, didn’t I? He can do anything then.”

She smiled. “Then we better get going.”

* * *

The three of them managed to sneak away to a plane after the rain had all lifted and the sky went dark for the night. Steve hadn’t lost any tenacity in that time, he was still focused and determined to find Barnes and the other missing men. In the time where Peggy hadn’t seen him, the time that she was sure he would change from humble to pompous, he hadn’t budged an inch. He was still kind and humble and reserved, and still just as strong-willed as he had been over a hundred pounds ago at Camp Lehigh. He was still striking such a delightfully strange chord with her.

“You know, you two are gonna be in a lot of trouble at the lab.” Steve spoke up; the realization must have been setting in for him.

Hell, they’d be in trouble once they set foot back at camp with Phillips. He’d have both of their asses served up on a platter, no doubt about it. They would get in trouble for commandeering the plane, using the fuel, and dropping Captain America right in the middle of the enemy. No shit they were in trouble. “And you won’t?” Peggy reflected the question back at him to distract herself from the discipline that was coming for her.

He cocked his head. “Where I’m going, if anyone yells at me I can just shook ‘em.”

“They will undoubtedly shoot back.” She had to underhandedly remind him that there was a great likelihood that he was going to die. It was too bad that her belief in his cause was stronger than the notion of him dying.

“Well, let’s hope it’s good for something.”

Howard spoke up from the cockpit only a few feet away. “Agent Carter, if we’re not in too much of a hurry I thought we could stop off in Lucerne for a late night fondue.”

Peggy shifted uncomfortably where she sat as she looked at Steve. Stark was just being an asshole, something he was supremely good at. He knew of her slight admiration of Rogers and just wanted to poke a hole in it with a nonexistent innuendo. What an absolute knob. “Stark is the best civilian pilot I’ve ever seen. He’s mad enough to brave this airspace, we’re lucky to have him.” She told Steve.

Steve nodded a bit awkwardly, staring at her with his lips parted in thought. They were still just as full and rosy as they had been when she first laid eyes on him. “So are you two-? Do you? Fondue?” He stumbled around with his words so pathetically and awkwardly that it was making the whole thing all that much worse.

She could have killed Howard, who was surely silently chuckling up there, and she would have gotten around to it if bullets didn’t start dancing around the plane. Howard titled the flight pattern just slightly to avoid the fire they were being barraged with all of a sudden. Steve quickly started to shuffle to the opening hatch like he was going to jump out right there in all of the mess.

“Get back here!” She yelled at Steve, taking a step towards him. It was hard with Howard’s flying and the wind tunnel that had been created by the open hatch.

He sat on the edge like he was just going to bloody fling himself out of the plane. “As soon as I’m free, turn this thing around and get the hell outta here!” His voice was commanding like it had been earlier, but in a slightly different way. It sounded like there was a touch of care in his command.

“You can’t give me orders!” She shouted back.

He looked up at her as he scooted closer to the edge, ready to jump out. “The hell I can’t! I’m a captain!” And with that, he was gone.

Peggy watched for a moment as he sank rapidly into the darkness, into the warzone he so desperately wanted to be a part of. She said a quick prayer, hoping it wouldn’t devour him.

She joined Howard in the cockpit as he turned the plane around and headed back to camp.

“Fondue? Huh, Howard?” She said.

“What?” He chuckled. “It was getting stuffy in here! I needed to lighten it up with a joke!”

“Was the joke insinuating that I’d ever sleep with you?”

He laughed again.

“This isn’t funny, Howard!” She nipped. “We just dropped _America’s New Hope_ behind enemy lines.”

He exhaled. “Hold on to that faith, Peg. That’s all we’ve got right now.”

“That,” She nodded. “That and a proper crucifixion when we get back to camp.”

Howard scrunched up his nose, obviously also not looking forward to what was coming. “I’m going to hold on to the fact that I think I can outrun Phillips.”

* * *

The camp was quite and sleepy when they silently returned. Peggy split ways with Howard and went to sleeping quarters. It was a section of the nurses’ tent that had been sectioned off with a simple sheet so she wouldn’t be bothered by them as they got up at all odd hours of the night to tend to the sick and wounded. It was cold and uncomfortable and lonely in her tiny room, nothing that she wasn’t well accustomed to by then. And it didn’t matter, because she knew there was no way sleep would touch her that night. She sat down on her cot and stared down at the radio in her hands, the one that Steve was supposed to contact her with.

She thought long and hard about Rogers, about the kind of man he was and how with nearly everything he did she was still fascinated. And it wasn’t the fact that he had been made to be superhuman in every way possible, he had just been so pure to begin with. He had been determined and humble and kind and reserved from the moment she saw him. And what was important to her, was that in the few exchanges that had shared, he never saw her as anything less just because she was a woman. He was respectful of her and spoke to her with no underhanded jokes or ulterior motive. She was a person to him, an equal person, and that’s all she had been looking for someone to see her as since she had joined the army and the S.S.R. The icing on the cake was physical perfection that had her feeling like a naïve schoolgirl in the pit of her stomach every time she saw him. Oh, how she wished he’d make it back.

* * *

As morning approached, Steve had not returned and he hadn’t radioed her at all, and Peggy knew it was time to face Phillips and everyone else. He had been gone with silence longer than she had hoped, and by then she couldn’t help herself from assuming the worst. He was dead. He died because she and Howard let him jump out of that blasted plane. The sun was just making its way into the sky when she saw her curtain moving.

“Agent Carter, a word.” Phillips’ voice was gruff and quick from the other side of the cloth.

“Coming sir,” She replied after swallowing. It was time to face the music.

She exited the tent and followed behind him to the tent that was his makeshift office. He was quiet and didn’t bother to even look back at her; it scared her.

He finally spoke once they were back in his office quarters. “I can’t touch Stark, he’s rich and he’s the army’s number one weapon’s contractor. You are neither one!”

It was quickly obvious that all the blame was about to rain down on her like hellfire. Maybe it was because Stark was technically untouchable, but part of her couldn’t help but think that some of it had to do with her being a woman who undermined his orders.

She replied with poise. “With respect, sir, I don’t regret my actions. And I don’t think Captain Rogers did either.” The agent within her didn’t regret her actions, although the rest of her was beginning to. She’d basically let the man commit suicide, after all.

Colonel was supremely angry, and to her dismay, rightfully so. She knew she’d be sent packing after he was done annihilating her. “What makes you think I give a damn about your opinions? I took a chance with you, Agent Carter. And now America’s golden boy and a lot of other good men are dead, all ‘cause you had a crush.”

Oh, hell with it. She was just as angry as he was. How dare he direct Rogers’ death to a crush? The moment she was looked at by those around her in a professional manner would be the day that hell would freeze over. She decided to swallow her anger, picking her battles carefully. “It wasn’t that. It was faith.”

Phillips grimaced. “Well, I hope that’s big comfort to you when they shut this division down.”

Before she could speak again, a rumbling in the distance interrupted them. It was getting louder with each passing second, sending people all over the camp in its direction to see what it was and why it was coming their way. Phillips and Peggy followed as well as the rumbling sounded like it was about to enter the camp.

What came up into view over the hill made her blood run incredibly hot and then refreshingly cool with relief. A tank, not like one she’d ever seen was coming up on the gate to enter the camp. It came flanked in crowd of men- soldiers. The rest of the missing 107th. And to top it all off, they were led by Rogers- still wearing his costume and the helmet and jacket she had last seen him in. The gates were opened for them, and the troops came pouring in. There was cheering at every angle, victorious cries echoing out from every corner of the camp. They were back. He was back.

Rogers walked straight up to Phillips, respectfully saluting him before speaking. “I’d like to surrender myself for disciplinary action.”

Phillips was dumbfounded in disbelief, Peggy was reveling in it. “That won’t be necessary.” He replied.

Colonel Phillips then moved his attention elsewhere, and that was when Steve noticed Peggy. She quickly weaved her way towards him, standing close in front of him and looking him over. There was sweat and dirt and soot smeared on his face, but it was still the face of an Adonis if she ever knew one. There he was, in the flesh, unharmed, yet again. Her heart was knocking around in her chest like a fool. “You’re late.”

He grinned, and cocked his head. God, he was so charming and pretty, she swore it should have been a crime. “Couldn’t call my ride.” He said as he held up a pulverized radio.

She couldn’t help her lips from curving into a small smirk. It was a good thing they were surrounded by a drove of people, or else she would’ve been wiping that grin right off of his face.

“Let’s hear it for Captain America!” One of the men said. From the way Steve looked at him, she could immediately tell that he was the Barnes he’d gone looking for in the first place. He was beautiful and looked like hell, but thank God Steve had found him in one piece.

Barnes’ words created a roar around them, it seemed like everyone was reaching forward to touch him, thank him, congratulate him. He was a hero. Steve was a hero, the thing Peggy had known he could be for a long time.


	6. It's For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a chapter that gets to stray away from what everyone already knows! I've never really written and definitely never published anything of this kind of.... feel.... I guess lol. So totally disregard how painfully awkward it will probably be to read haha my apologies

After Azzano, Steve and many of the men he had saved came back to the London office with Peggy the rest of the S.S.R. that had been in Italy. He had seen the map with all of the Hydra bases on it when he went to retrieve Barnes, potentially pushing the war in a fantastically optimistic direction. Steve had a whirlwind going on around him; he was able to keep his title of captain, he was being awarded for saving the 107th, and he was to build a team of men to aid in taking down the Hydra bases that were left. Peggy noted that he was taking it all in quietly and humbly, making her strange fascination with him grow even more.

And it wouldn’t have been foolish of her to begin to think that he had the same fascination with her. She had caught his eyes lingering in her direction longer than what was normal, but it was never a look of eyeing her up like so many other men did. It was almost a look of enchantment, like he was looking at something wonderful that he had never seen before. It was becoming increasingly difficult for Peggy to let all of the looks and smirks and softer undertones in their voices when they spoke to each other go unnoticed. She had to ignore it all though, she was working. She was professional, they were at war, they both had very important jobs to do that she would never dream of jeopardizing. But if he kept looking at her like that, she was afraid she would burst at the seams.

* * *

One night, Steve and the other men he had saved headed out to a local pub; he told Peggy that he was going to use it as an opportunity to invite them to join his team that he was assembling. He was determined to squash Schmidt himself, and it was only right to ask the men who had something personal to fight for. “Who can say no when they’ve got a pint in hand?” She had said with a wink.

“That’s what I’m hoping for.” He had chuckled in reply.

They had left some time ago, and Peggy was finishing up her duties around the bullpen for the night, and it was about time to retire for the evening. Once Peggy had closed the door to her tiny living quarters down in the bunker, she knew immediately that she wouldn’t be going to bed. If the men could go out and have a good time, then of course she was going to have a little fun of her own.

She was going to make a statement; that she was sure of as she pulled the dress out of the wardrobe. That statement was going be something along the lines of _I know we’re both incredibly busy but I can’t help myself from being selfish and wanting to have my way with you._ She zipped up the back of the dress herself, applied a fresh coat of rose red lipstick, made sure her hair was in place before she managed to slip out of the bunker into the night.

Peggy couldn’t help but grimace a bit as she walked down the street towards the pub she was sure they were at. The nightlife in London wasn’t what it like what it used to be. People were scared to spend too much time out at night, and rightfully so. Paris wasn’t so far away and they’d been bombed to hell. London had taken a few hits as well, pushing people from their normality and into fear of what could come. As Peggy neared the pub, she could see its lights on and hear the faint music from inside. Places like those reminded her that there were still people who weren’t going to bend to the war. She was determined to always remain as one of those people.

When she stepped inside, the attention from the entire crowded room was almost immediately drawn to her- even the music got quieter for her. There was no real surprise in that, the dress she can on was “stunning enough to get a man to drive right off the road”- that’s what the woman she bought it from had excitedly told her when she tried it on in the store. It occurred to her that it took a nice dosage of bravery and confidence to step out in the dress she had, but she didn’t need much coaxing or self-coaching to begin with. It didn’t matter to her that she was a woman out on the town alone, or out dressed the way she was for that matter. All that mattered was making the statement she came for, and it was obvious by the reactions of the patrons of the pub that she was going to get it across.

Peggy had been right in her choice of pub. Some of the men from the 107th were seated as a table near the corner of the first room, they all stared in surprise and awe. If she were a more daft or vain girl, she would have stayed to revel in it, but she had come with a mission. A mission to speak volumes to Steve without any words at all. She entered the second half of the tavern and that was where she found Rogers and Barnes seated at the bar. They were drinking hard liquor, not drafts like their friends. She knew there had to be some purpose in that. Even though she was looking directly at Steve, she could see clearly that poor Barnes still looked like a big bowl of hell.

Steve stood up immediately, giving her the exact reaction she wanted. He looked like a perfect ten in his uniform, even in the dim light of the pub, that was eloquently clear. She stood in front of him, not daring to break her eye contact with him while she spoke.

It was like she had made him speechless; every time she spoke, Barnes answered in Steve’s place. His tone was exuding charm and she could almost see out of the corner of her eye a smirk on his tired face, but she kept her eye contact with Steve. His eyes were such a pretty color, dancing somewhere in the margin of blue or green depending on what kind of light they were in. She hoped that maybe sometime there would come a day where she could stare into them like that anytime she wanted. Not tonight. Tonight was just for teasing. Peggy Carter never thought herself to be any kind of tease, but Steve had her nudging like she never had before.

She made a comment about going dancing when the whole ordeal was over, making Barnes ask with a smirk, “What are we waiting for?”

“The right partner.” She said, directing her line at Steve. She knew he remembered their conversation in the car in Brooklyn back then. She knew with that with those three words, she was making herself eloquently clear.

The look on his face let her know she was melting him from the inside out. _Soak it in, Rogers._ She thought. _It might be ages before you see me like this again._

And with that quick and simple exchange, the job had been done. She turned to go, leaving a trail of eyes on her as she left. She couldn’t help but smile a bit as she walked down the dark sidewalk again. She ate it up, seeing him like that. Seeing him speechless. No man ever found themselves to be speechless with her. They always had something thickheaded and piggish to say, but not Steve. He was a master of respectful reservation. And when he looked like that, she wished he would throw caution to the wind.

Peggy bought a bottle of Schnapps before returning to the bunker. She was able to slip back into her quarters without being noticed, even in red. After pouring herself a drink, she went to bed thinking about the look on Steve’s face, his calming and yet exhilarating eyes, those lips that guarded a perfect smile, his smooth and level voice, his picturesque physique under that prim and proper uniform. She fell asleep shamelessly thinking of what was under it, knowing her own hands wouldn’t always do the job for her. She’d need him to do it someday.

* * *

That need, that fascination with a saint turned into disgust with a sinner in a matter of mere moments.

It was one of the final days before Rogers and his team, who named themselves the Howling Commandos, would be leaving for the first mission to shut down a Hydra base. They only had a few more touches left to be taken care of and a handful of days before they’d be off. They estimated the operation would take one week, no more than two. _Good damn riddance,_ Peggy thought after her seemingly undying respect for Steve had been chipped away at.

It was a bustling and busy day down in the bunker on that day that punched holes in her captivation with him; everyone had some sort of job to help the Captain and his team before their departure. All Peggy had to do was find him and tell him Howard was ready to show him his new inventions as some options for defense and artillery. Someone told her he’d been seen heading off to records while he waited. Peggy rounded the corner of the first shelf of files and there he was. She’d found him alright; found him was his hands awkwardly placed on Private Lorraine’s waist, kissing her while she had her fingers around his tie. She paused for a moment before speaking; she couldn’t help but feel a bit taken aback by what she was seeing. After the initial shock was over, her mind was good and ready to be angry.

“Captain,” She spoke up. The word couldn’t come out of her mouth without it sounding snappy. His head flew back immediately at the sound of her voice. She had surprised him, and not an ounce of her was sorry. Steve put his hand over his mouth, as if to wipe the remnants of Lorraine away. He took a step back away from Lorraine as she looked away, although she didn’t seem too embarrassed for what she had done. “We’re ready for you, if you’re not otherwise occupied.” She said with her hands on her hips before walking away from that sorry scene.

Steve was a half step behind her, almost falling over himself to dig himself out of the hole he had just dug and keep up with her. “Agent Carter, wait.”

She wanted to roll her eyes at his formality. Respect wasn’t going to get him anywhere. “Looks like finding a partner wasn’t that hard after all.”

“Peggy, that’s not what you think it was.” He said, tucking his tie back into his shirt.

“I don’t think anything, Captain. Not one thing.” She barely looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “You always wanted to be a soldier and now you are. Just like all the rest.”

The fool tried his hand in defending himself. “Well what about you and Stark? How do I know you two haven’t been… fondue-ing?”

Peggy stopped and turned around to look at him. She almost wanted to smile since he really was so stupid, stupid enough to actually think that that retort was a good one. He looked back at her like he was trying to hold his ground, but there was no way around the fact that he was so damn awkward and empty-headed. She then rolled her eyes and walked away, leaving him there. “You still don’t know a bloody thing about women.” And with that, she was gone.

Rogers spent a while with Howard as he eagerly showed him all the toys he had to offer. When Peggy came back around, they had made their way to the varieties of shields that he could have picked from. Steve had a round, disc shaped one on his arm as she walked towards them.

“You’re quite finished, Mr. Stark?” She asked. “I’m sure the Captain has some unfinished business.”

Steve turned to her with a stupid grin on his face. “What do you think?” He asked.

She stared at him another moment, wide eyed and still floored by his idiocy and her own anger. And to think she had a sliver of hope in him before. She was beginning to see red as the enmity, frustration, annoyance and jealousy boiled up in her. Without much thought to it, she picked up one of the closest sample handguns on the table beside her and fired four shots at his shiny new shield. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, the bullets all bounced off his shiny new toy. It was perfectly quiet after she had fired, the only sound being the hum of the vibration off of the shield. “Yes, I think it works.” She exhaled and managed to smile a little. She walked passed him, gave him one last hateful look, and left- promising herself that she was not only over it, but over him as well.

* * *

Peggy did a pretty good job of avoiding much contact with Steve in the next few days. Any exchanges she did have with him were short, clipped, and professional. No more doe eyes and coquettish grins. He looked unhappy with it all, making it clear with the sorry eyes and grimaces that lasted for only a second or two. She made note of them, and was somewhat sadistically pleased that he was upset- but he deserved it.

* * *

It was the night before the Captain and the Commandos were to leave on their first endeavor, and Peggy still had no plans to clear the water with Rogers. She had decided days ago that her infatuation with him was for the birds; she was working and he was working. They were at war, and in no place to be acting like selfish fools. It was getting late, and it was around the time she was finished with the monotonous paperwork she had to do before leaving for some field work the next afternoon. Most people had left the bullpen area of the bunker, all retired away to their rooms and bunks. She was tired, and ready to do the same. Just as she was heading towards her quarters, she noticed Rogers.

He was sitting alone at a big conference table, staring up at the map on the wall with the marked Hydra bases on it. She imagined soon they’d be crossing them out with red x’s, one by one. She guessed he was soaking it all in and decompressing before his mission the next morning.

“Agent Carter?” He said as she passed him wordlessly.

“Yes, Captain?” She only half turned to him.

He paused before speaking; she could see that he was pursing his lips into a frown. “We’re leaving tomorrow.”

“I’m aware.”

He cocked his head, a still discouraged look was painted on his face. “I guess I don’t deserve a goodbye.”

She inhaled slowly, rolling her eyes. “You need to focus you’re attention elsewhere, not on sorry sulking and farewells. You’re not scared, are you?”

“No,” He shook his head.” “And I am focused.”

“Good, then the mission should go swimmingly.” She turned to leave again. She knew he absolutely wasn’t one for pity parties but he was exceptionally good at the lone suffering bit, and she was not in the mood to have any parts of it.

“Peggy?”

When she stopped this time, she only turned her head. “Yes?”

“Can we talk when I get back?”

She wanted to blurt out _Why don’t we talk now? Before you leave on a mission you can’t promise you’ll return from._ But she didn’t. She wanted to roll her eyes and remind him there was nothing to talk about. But she didn’t. She decided to keep on walking. “I’ll be here. Safe travels, Captain.”

* * *

The Commandos were gone before daybreak, right before she got up. She couldn’t help herself from worrying about them just a bit. Even if she wasn’t keen on speaking with their Captain, she hoped they’d all come back unscathed. Especially Barnes, who she found out preferred to be called Bucky. Though he didn’t seem so physically harmed after the hell Schmidt put him through in Azzano, it wasn’t hard to tell he was pressing down some kind of demons within himself. She was sure Steve had noticed, and it was just something else for him to worry about.

She’d been busy with some fieldwork in Northern France for days, doing some recovery and reconnaissance on some areas that it was said that Hydra was planning to place more bases- only edging closer to England. Parts of France had turned into somewhat of a depressing place since the start of the war, tearing at the beauty it used to be so proud of. She gathered that there were signs to be wary of, but then again, it was like that all across Europe in its entirety. Hitler, Schmidt, Nazis, Hydra- it all was ugly and bleeding all over the continent. After almost a week, Peggy returned to the London office to give briefings and write up reports on what she gathered.

A few days had gone by, and they still hadn’t heard anything from Rogers and his team. That was expected, though, as they didn’t want any signals picked up by anyone else, especially after they’d crossed the lines. She wondered what kind of adversities they were facing, considering Schmidt had already made it quite obvious that he nearly outdid Stark in the overgrown toys department.

Speaking of Stark, he had been such a damn nuisance after she returned from her fieldwork. Maybe it was partly because he got bored faster than any other grown man she’d ever seen, or maybe it was because he really was an annoying schmuck.

“Do you plan on doing reports all day?” Howard asked, propped up in the doorway of the closet on an office Peggy had borrowed that day.

“Considering it’s my job,” She sighed, and then looked up at him with a tightlipped grin. “Yes,”

“Come on, take a lunch break. If I’m forced to eat with Phillips one more time and hear him yammer on about his distain for whichever politician is up his ass today or his goddamn cigars I’ll probably off myself with my sandwich.”

“No need for the dramatics, Howard.” She smiled. “Give me ten minutes.”

“That’s nine too many,” He said as he slid out of the doorway.

She finished her work and found him at a table in the small makeshift cafeteria off of the kitchen. Howard already had spread out his meal and was pushing out the chair across from him with his foot, just being an all around botheration.

“Looks like you don’t have to die today, Mr. Stark.” She said after she sat down across from him with her own food.

“Thank God,” He sighed. “Have you talked to Diaz in Communications lately?”

“I haven’t,” She replied as she bit into a very bland piece of chicken.

“Well, I have. No word yet.”

Peggy rolled her eyes and set down her fork. “Are you really leading with that, Howard?”

“I’m simply making conversation, Peg. It’s lunch, people do that.”

Before he could pick up his sandwich again, Peggy reached across the table and stuck her fork in it, forcing it back down to the plate. “And I’m trying to enjoy my lunch.” She said, trying to blaze holes in him with her eyes. “I would enjoy it more if the conversation refrained from the Hooting Cadets and their fearless leader.”

Howard laughed, removing her fork from his food. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”

They managed to navigate the conversation elsewhere, and were almost finished their lunch without a hitch, but Peggy had realized a long time ago that she could get nothing done seamlessly.

Lorraine walked into the kitchen, passing through to only get an apple. In her core, Peggy wanted to hold a grudge, she wanted to make it very clear that not an inch of her liked Lorraine, but she knew that wouldn’t get her anywhere good. She had to be mature, and kind even. At the end of the day, they were both women drowning in a testosterone-rich work field. As much as she would have loved to tug at those flawless blonde curls, she would never.

“Hey, Peggy,” Lorraine turned back around before leaving. “I’m a fan of your lipstick, what is it?”

“Rimmel, I believe.” Peggy replied.

Lorraine raised an eyebrow. “Thanks, might have to pick some up.” The smirk on her face as she left was petty, looking like something Peggy would have enjoyed wiping off of her face for her.

“Wow,” Howard nodded after she was gone. “She sure is something,”

“A real vamp,” Peggy said as she stared down at her food and stabbed at it.

“Do ya think she’d like white wine or red wine?”

“Good God, Howard.” Peggy groaned and got up from her seat to put her tray away. “You truly are a remarkable man.”

“The sincerity in your voice is touching, Carter.” He smirked. “Have fun with your reports.” Peggy was halfway out the door when he spoke up again. “I’ll let you know if they hear anything.”

She shifted her eyes his way for a moment, barely nodding once as she left.

* * *

Two more days went by before the Captain and the Commandos returned back to the London office. They were highly successful on their mission, an entire Hydra base left in shambles. This pushed everyone at the S.S.R. into higher spirits, considering near to no headway had previously been made against Schmidt and the rest of Hydra. Peggy dreamt of pleasantly reminding Phillips that the super soldier army he whined about not getting was superfluous, but she decided to keep her disrespectful remarks to herself. The only thing that kept the Commandos from getting back sooner was a bit of troublesome weather, other than that, the trip was a roaring benefit. They got in quite late, around the time when most people were heading off not bed.

Instead of heading off to bed herself, Phillips called on her to sit in on the Commando’s debriefing. He wanted her to jot some things down to add into the official reports they would have to give in the morning. _A glorified note taker,_ she thought.

When she entered the bullpen, she saw Phillips, Stark, and a few other personnel sitting on one side of the table. She slipped into a seat beside the Colonel, opening her blotter and twisting her pen open.

“What kind baubles do you think they ran into, Mr. Stark?” Phillips asked, exhaling.

“Hopefully nothing better than my own,” Howard replied with a smirk. “But if it’s anything like the stuff they brought back the first time, then we’re all in for a treat.” Peggy knew Howard was buzzing to hear about what they ran into. Once he found out Hydra had some better technology than he did, he was determined to outdo them. But in order to outdo them, he had to know what they had to have some starting ground for himself. The otherworldly matter from the weapons the Captain and the other captured troops brought back from Azzano had Howard’s head spinning already.

A few moments later, the seven men came into the bullpen looking like they were fresh off the field. They all looked as if they barely had anytime to wash up, and she hoped that’s what they were all headed to do right after the debriefing. Rogers was leading the way, still clad in patriotism with hair that he looked like he had just slap-dashed combed for the sake of being in front of his superiors. Even if she was still a bit miffed with him, she couldn’t help but push her lips into a tight line to keep any form of a smile from creeping up on them. Despite her feelings, it was good to see him come back untouched- all of them untouched.

“Colonel,” Rogers said with a nod and a salute. They all saluted as well before taking a seat. Bucky sat down in the chair directly across from hers, giving her a quick and tired grin. He was still pretty and ghostlike, and probably exhausted by then. Peggy caught Steve look at her, his ocean blue eyes were tired but had a passing glint of a smile in them when they were set on her.

“Good to see you all back in one piece.” said Phillips. “I’m assuming you all had a lovely time on your holiday behind the lines.”

“Holiday?” Dugan scoffed, sarcasm sputtering out of his mouth like a gasket. “If I could get two six-month vacations a year just like that one then I think I’d be content for the rest of my life.”

Steve gave him a knowing look, reminding him to save the satire for when they weren’t speaking to people in charge. “I think we’ve got some information worth telling about our holiday, sir.”

And that they sure as hell did. Peggy’s hand was beginning to cramp up due to all the quick scribbles of information from their mission. What she overall gathered was, yes, _one_ Hydra base had been thwarted, but there was no way they were going out quietly. After over an hour, Phillips dismissed everyone and ordered that the Commandos wash up, mentioning that they smelt of a mudroom. He wasn’t wrong.

Peggy was headed back to her room for the night when she made the snap decision that she was going to go talk to Rogers that night. She supposed it was best to mend the issue sooner rather than later to keep him from continuing to be a sulky closet baby. She knew where his quarters were, it was the fifth door in on a long hallway of small living spaces. He managed to snag himself a private room, but he had put up a small argument about it- saying he wasn’t any better than anyone else to have his own room. Needless to say, he was somewhat forced.

Thankfully, no one else was out in the corridor when Peggy neared his door, readying herself to knock on it. “Captain Rogers?” She said in a low voice as she tapped on the heavy door with her knuckles. There was no answer. “Steve?” She tried again, and still, no reply. She put her hand on the doorknob just for the sake of it, and was rolling her eyes at the fact that the damn thing was unlocked. With a sigh and a quick shake of her head, she couldn’t help herself from being absolutely nosy and stepping inside his room without invitation.

Peggy closed the door quietly behind her, looking around his shoebox of a room. It was much like hers in every way- small, clean, minimal. It was a soldier’s room after all, no need for sundries. It had to be like that so it was easy to pack it all away at a moment’s notice, something she was got used to quickly when she joined the S.S.R. His small bed was made smoothly, and the only thing sitting on top of his wardrobe was his fatigue hat. Her eyes were then directed to his desk- it had a lone, red rose sticking out of a beer bottle on it, accompanied by his ratty old sketch book. It was like it was screaming at her to be opened, to be rifled through. She couldn’t. He deserved a degree of privacy, especially since he’d made it clear in the past he didn’t mind solidarity. But God, how she wanted to open it. The rationalization popped into her head, _I’ve already broken into his bloody room, might as well keep digging myself a damn hole._ And with that thought, she was across the tiny room with Steve’s sketchbook in hand.

She’d had the thought in the past of being graced with the privilege to see in inside of his sketchbook. She’d been curious for some time, wondering what on earth he was scrawling on the pages. Her hands were almost shaking as she flipped it open, knowing she was intruding where she most certainly did not belong. The first few pages were of shapes and vague figures of things like mountains and trees- rough landscape. Other pages were little maps of Europe, much like the ones out in the bullpen, with the Hydra insignia drawn in where they knew bases were. He had given each tentacle great detail, even for being so small. More pages had portraits; some she recognized, some she didn’t. A few were of a woman, one that looked to be about middle aged- even a little younger, and even though the woman was sketched out she could see the likeness of Steve in her, making her assume that this was his mother. She stared at the drawings of her for a long moment, trying to formulate what Mrs. Rogers had been like. Who was the woman that raised him? Surely he missed her very much, though she’d never heard him mention his mother before. She hoped that she was watching from wherever she was, and that she was exceedingly proud. More profiles were of Barnes, with nearly every facial expression under the sun. The two were close, and apparently had been for years. He seemed to be all that Steve had left from his life prior to the war, making him some kind of anchor to the past.

When she flipped through the next few pages, she couldn’t help from her mouth falling open a bit. The portraits she saw next were done beautifully, with meticulous detail and care. _They were of her._ Like Bucky, Steve had drawn her from lots of different angles- some from the side, some of her smiling, some of her looking off into the distance. No wonder his eyes always lingered when he looked her way, he must have been studying her face so he could draw it. Peggy felt a warm grin find its way onto her face, but how could it not? This was a new form of flattery to her, one that was neither demeaning or degrading that she was just supposed to take kindly. One of the sketches on the following page really caught her eye. It was one her again, but in that dress. The red one, the one intended to speak volumes. He had drawn her in the dress, posed with her sitting in a barstool, a hand up by her hair. Steve had even taken the time to get his hands on a pencil that would color in her dress red. _Unreal_ , she thought. _Downright unreal, Rogers._

“Agent Carter?” The sound of her own name made her nearly jump out of her own skin. Steve was back, and obviously caught off guard to find her in his room.

“What?” Her response came out sharp as the sketchbook jumped in her hands, he’d scared her.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He had shut the door behind him, thankfully, if anyone outside noticed that she was in his room, they’d both end up in trouble. He was dressed in his fatigue slacks, but had on an S.S.R. t-shirt. His hair was damp; he’d just come back from washing up.

She shook her head, still recovering. “I came here to talk, like you asked. You know, you should really lock your door, Steve.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Lock my door, huh? I didn’t know people other than me coming in here would be such a problem.” His eyes fell to her hands and got wide when he saw what she had. “Peggy-“

She ran her hand down her face as she exhaled. “Yes, I’m well aware I’m a nosy little twit. I couldn’t help myself.”

“Clearly,” He said, still wide-eyed as he looked down at his own sketchbook in her sticky little fingers.

Peggy swallowed and looked down, nodding once, hoping to find a way to recover what she had done. “Is this your mother?” She asked, opening the book again to the pages in the beginning.

Steve pursed his lips and nodded, stepping closer to her so he could look as well. There was a distant sadness in his eyes, one that had experienced loss of something they loved. “I try not to remember her sick, you know? She would hate that.”

“Are these from memory?” She asked.

He nodded again.

“They’re beautiful, Steve.”

“She was,” He grinned, though the sadness hadn’t left his face.

“I like this one,” She said after she’d flipped the page, pointing to a sketch of Barnes. “You’ve got his likeness down pat.”

“I should by now,” He said with a smirk tugging at his lips. “He started nagging me to draw him when we were eight when I was stealing all of my pencils from school. It’s been a while.”

“You’re very good.” She pursed her lips as she flipped the pages again.

“Thanks,” He replied as he rubbed the back of his neck and took another half step closer to see the book in her hands.

She had reached the pages dedicated to her again, and she could hear Steve make a noise from behind her. Not only had she been caught red handed in that moment, but so had he. Her fingers touched the page, the one of her in red, and traced down the drawing.

He started to speak up; his words came out like they were falling over each other. “About these, I-“

“When was the first time you drew me?” She cut him off, not meaning to be rude. She was curious.

“Uh, back at Lehigh.” He reached forward and flipped a few pages back and pointed. It was a sketch of her looking down. “You were writing something down, and… I don’t know. You looked beautiful, I guess.”

She pursed her lips, making sure not to smile. But she couldn’t fight the color that she sure was appearing on her cheeks. This was all so unfair, the way he made her feel. She cocked her head as she replied. “You seem to love to draw beautiful things, but I don’t see any sketches of Lorraine.” She hated to be such a hardhead in that delicate and sweet moment, but it was what she had come for in the first place.

“Peggy,” He said as she turned around to face him. He ran a hand through his hair nervously. “I’m sorry about that, I really am. She kind of cornered me and kissed me first, I know it’s not an excuse, but I just wanted you to know.”

She pursed her lips. “I know, Steve. I admit I was a bit wrapped up in my anger, it was foolish of me.”

“No,” He shook his head. “You had a right to be upset, I know I would have been if things were the other way around.”

Peggy raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Well, yeah,” He shrugged and glanced down at the ground. “I wouldn’t like it very much if I saw you kissin’ someone else.”

Again, she fought the grin off of her face. “Is that so?”

He nodded, obviously quite uncomfortable and out of his element. “Yeah, Peggy,”

“And what about the exclusivity?” She asked as she stepped a little closer to him. “There is none.”

“I know.” He tilted his head and averted his eyes.

It was all becoming exceedingly ridiculous and Peggy just about couldn’t take it anymore. She stepped closer again, looking at him up and down as she did so. “In all honesty, Steve, I was quite jealous.” He only nodded. “She got to kiss you all while I had no idea what that’s like.”

Another sound came out of him, sounding like it came from low in his throat. He shifted his weight as each of them got closer to the other again. He looked at her with his hauntingly beautiful and gentle eyes, making her bite on the corner of her lip. “Would… would you like to know?”

The inflection of curiosity and want in his voice was the last damn straw for Peggy. She was sick and tired of watching from afar, getting frustrated, and being professional. For the first time in what seemed like ages, she was going to throw caution to the wind and not think about what would follow.

She reached up to kiss him, but he met her halfway. It was something she’d been imaging of for such a long time, long before he was turned into someone that everyone else would be admiring as well. The way Steve kissed her was startled and clumsy, even though she hadn’t caught him unaware- it was amusing and charming to her. Her hand reached up for the back of his head, feeling his damp hair under her touch. She had wondered what his hair felt like too, it was smooth and soft between her fingers. His hands found themselves on her waist, even beginning to wrap around her a bit. Peggy parted her lips, and he took the invitation to slip his tongue into her mouth. It glided across her mouth in a fluid motion, prompting her to tilt her head for a better angle. He tasted so good, warm with a subtle, smoky hint of cigar- probably a congratulatory one. After acclimating to the situation after a few moments, he was actually very good for someone who had made themselves out to be quite inept, only making the fire Peggy felt burning inside of her grow hotter. One of his hands ended up at the nape of her neck, holding a few locks of her hair.

Peggy exhaled, kissing the corner of his mouth and again at his jawline. His skin was hot and he smelled alluring and clean. Of course, kissing Steve Rogers was everything she’d thought and dreamed it would be. She kissed his neck and slipped one hand under his shirt. His body jumped at her fingers grazing his skin, like she’d pressed ice to his torso. His skin was smooth, goose bumps immediately rising up under her fingers’ touch. He let out a moan that sounded as if it got a little caught up in his throat, she loved it.

“Peg,” He said as he put his head down, reciprocating with kisses on her neck under her ear. The way he said her name nearly made her dizzy.

“Yes?” She whispered lowly as she kissed his lips again, they were so warm against hers, and even fuller than before from the kissing. They were making it feel like her head was buzzing even more. The hand she had under his shirt came out, momentarily brushing against his trousers. She felt him through the fabric, only making her want to explode.

“What are-” Again, his voice nearly died out in his throat.

He didn’t get to finish what he was saying before she started moving. Peggy kicked off her heels, making her realize how much taller than her he truly was. She reached up for his face again, both hands out to rest on his cheeks. She backed up and he followed, stepping until the backs of her legs hit his bed. She scooted herself up onto it, staring up at him as he stayed standing. His hair was all tousled out of place, his shirt looked tugged at, and her lipstick had been smeared on his face and neck. She wished she could freeze the moment and take a picture, he was downright exquisite.

Steve tilted his head in apprehension, but his eyes were hungry. “Peg, are you sure?” His voice was low and burning.

She swallowed and nodded, being that sure of nothing else. “Only if you want, Captain.”

He inhaled and nodded once, crawling on top of her in bed. They kissed again for a few moments before he sat up, pulling his t-shirt off over his head and tossing it on the floor. She took note of his body again, having not seen it since it was fine-tuned from the serum. His waist was so small and his shoulders were unjustly broad- a ratio she was positive would do her in. His dog tags dangled in front of her face as well until he yanked them off too. He was still just as damn perfect he was as the day of Rebirth. Hell, even before then. Steve tried undoing the buttons of her blouse, but Peggy came in for the rescue as his hasty fingers weren’t getting the job done fast enough. Her top joined his t-shirt on the floor, leaving her in her lacy white bra and skirt. His body pressed down against hers, letting her feel him again through just too much fabric. She let out a sound this time, a broken whine that was going to start pleading with him any second.

“Here,” She said as she took his hands and helped them unfasten her bra. The hooks gave way with ease as she assisted him, making it fall away as well.

He let out a stuttered sigh as he looked her over in admiration and fascination. “You’re so beautiful,” He whispered. He fell onto her again, a palm cupped under her one breast, surely feeling her heart beat fast in his hand. His grip tightened, to the point that it probably should have hurt, but Peggy couldn’t have seen it that way, even if she tried.

She was overwhelmed by it all, a sensation that was foreign to her. She lived in a state of discretion and formality, where she was expected to be. But Steve constantly made her push that envelope, made it all difficult for her. Especially then, with their legs beginning to tangle up and their clothes starting to form a pile on the floor.

Steve made more headway as he got rid of his trousers and pulled her stockings off, throwing them to the other side of the miniscule room. Peggy was beginning to pull away at her skirt when she went for his underthings instead. He nearly paused as she did so, knowing after they were gone he would be left totally exposed.

“It’s alright, Steve.” She murmured as she kissed him.

He nodded, helping her pull them away. He balled them up and added them to the collection on the ground.

“Oh,” She gasped. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What?” He said quickly, suddenly sounding quite self-conscious.

“Nothing,” She shook her head and reached out for him, holding it in her hands so she could know for sure it was real. “You’re bloody perfect.” He jolted at her touch, his whole body was blushing a pleasant shade of pink.

With that, she and Steve got to removing at the rest of her clothes, moving with purpose. Even though it was wrong, dreadfully wrong and unethical, the whole thing couldn’t have felt more right to her. She wanted him, in every way and on every inch. She had to have Steve, even if it was just once.

His lips traced down her body, kissing her skin fervently as his mouth dragged further down.

“What are you doing?” She inhaled sharply. As if she wasn’t already feeling like her body was a live wire, his lips on her skin left her feeling even more exhilarated than before.

“You first,” He breathed, pulling her legs apart.

 _Oh,_ she thought. Everything about Steve was getting better and better with each passing second. She imagined she would have to give him more direction, but either from word of mouth or personal experience during their time apart had him seeming to know a bit more than she thought. Her inability to stay quiet though gave him guidance, letting him know what he was doing wrong or right. After a minute or two, he was mostly right. It was unfair to the rest of the world that he was so good, or that no one else on planet Earth got to know how good besides Peggy. It didn’t take her much to start to feel the pressure she’d been needing from him, he was pushing down on her one hip with his hand to keep her body from bucking and jolting like it so desperately wanted to. Her legs were shaking and her vision blurred over as she knew she was going to quite finished soon.

“Steve,” She whined while her breathing went shallow. “Come on,”

“Hmm?” He hummed. She could feel the vibration against her; it was damn intoxicating.

“Go ahead,” Her voice was giving out on her. She wanted more of him, she wanted to be able to look at him while he pushed her over the edge into the bliss she so desperately desired.

He took her cue right away, moving around and shifting himself for her. Her eyes got wider as he made his way inside; it was criminal really, how he made her eyes roll back in her head. He moved with a bit of awkwardness, like he had to get his bearings and get along himself.

“Don’t be gentle,” She grunted, not wanting to lose the rhythm they’d both been working for.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” He whispered, his hand extending out to the wall in front of him for leverage.

She knew how strong he was; he could lift over a thousand pounds. It was kind of Steve to be considerate enough to remember that and not want to hurt her, but she didn’t care. “Do it,” She moaned. She didn’t want him holding back anything from her.

He listened, but she knew he could have done more. Maybe it was a good thing though, because it almost hurt more than she was willing to admit. He still did right by her, making the pressure build faster than she ever thought it could. Finally, after waiting what seemed like a lifetime of wondering and wanting and needing, she was finished. Letting out a breathy and satisfied sound as her back arched off his thin mattress, she felt herself come back down from whatever lovely place Steve had just sent her to. He moaned in contentment as well, probably proud of himself for what he’d done. Peggy reached up and patted the side of his face and his neck, telling him to go ahead. It took even less for him to get to finishing as well, being a bit noisy about it.

“People are sleeping,” She murmured. And she was sure no one else was doing what they were.

He nodded once and kept going, trying to keep himself quieter. She knew he was about done, she could see it written all over his face. A bead of sweat at his temple rolled down and fell of his face, falling on her own skin. “Peggy,” Her name came out of his mouth in a low and rushed voice, almost pleading with her. It was any second now.

“Not in me,” She reminded him, reaching up and covering his mouth with her hand to ensure he’d be quiet. He did as she said, and even bit down on her palm as he came clattering back down to earth.

He sighed as he caught his breath and fell down onto the bed with her. Admittedly, they were both breathless as they reoriented themselves. Peggy stared up at the ceiling as she tried to make sense of it all, because her mind was having difficulty processing what they had just done. She rolled over to look at him after a minute or so, watching him also stare up at the ceiling while his chest gently rose and fell, coming back to a normal pace. He was so beautiful as he did so, someone that just seemed too good for the desecrated world he was living in. She could have stayed and watched for a long time, and she intended to soak in every second of it.

Peggy reached down and grabbed at his sheets and thin duvet, pulling them over the both of them. He then rolled over and inched closer to her, pressing his lips slowly to the side of her face.

“Well,” He breathed. “Now you know.”

Peggy smirked and hummed. “Very well,”

He picked up his head and smiled too, flashing his faultless grin for her to see. “Glad we talked it out,”

“As am I,” she chuckled. It was a moment she intended on remembering for quite a long time, knowing that when she walked out of his door she would have to pretend as if it never happened at all.

They lied tangled and silent in his bed for a while longer, both reveling in the professionalism they’d destroyed but would have to rebuild soon. Peggy felt like it was a damn shame that it wasn’t something she could readily go exclaim from the mountain tops- especially since it had been like nothing else she had ever known in her life.

It was starting to get quite late into the night, the smell of sex in the air had almost entirely dissipated and she knew he had to be tired. He had just come back from his first time leading his team on a mission after all, and there was no doubt he could use a few hours of decent sleep- whether he was somewhat of a superhuman or not.

“I should let you sleep, Captain.” Peggy said as she slowly sat up and crawled over him so she could gather her belongings and redress herself.

“You don’t want to stay?” He asked.

She pursed her lips into a grin. “Thank you, but I should be getting back to my own room.”

He looked like he was going to protest, but she had already begun to put her clothes back on. She caught him watching her as she did so, but his eyes weren’t soaking her in like a prize, surely something that would have been typical of the situation. Instead, he looked at her like art, like something so wonderfully untouchable that he was thankful he even got a chance to witness. She wanted to stay just so he could keep looking at her like that, but she knew she had to go.

“I meant to ask,” She said as she put her shoes back on. “Is the rose supposed to be for décor?”

“Uh, it’s for you, actually.” He said as he sat up reaching over and picking it out of the beer bottle. “I wanted to give it to you when we talked, but I kind of got distracted.”

Peggy tilted her head and grinned again, stepping forward to take it. She took it gently, turning it in her hand so she could see every inch of its delicate and deep red petals. “Thank you, Steve. It’s lovely.”

He pursed his lips, happy that it made her happy.

Once she was fully redressed, recomposed, and sure her hair was fixed the best it could be in spite of it all, she turned back to him once again before she left.

“Well, Captain,” She exhaled, shifting her shoulders. “I’ll see you tomorrow when you give your reports.”

“See you then,” He nodded. It was a good thing she was leaving, because he actually did look nice and tired.

She nodded once as well and turned to leave. Her hand was on the doorknob when he spoke again.

“Peggy?”

“Yes, Steve?” She said as she turned her head his way. He was still sitting up and facing her while she left, his hands holding the edge of the bed.

His eyes were sincere and sweet, making her wish again in that moment that she didn’t have to leave. “I just… I just want you to know I won’t say anything. I don’t want anyone thinking anything different of you, and I wouldn’t disrespect you like that.”

Peggy pursed her lips again and walked back towards him. She stood in front of him and placed her hand under his chin, lifting it up to face her. “I know you wouldn’t. Thank you for the discretion.” Her thumb stroked his jaw where she held it. “Thank you for everything.” She leaned down to kiss him one more time before leaving, knowing that their window of time together was quickly closing. He reached up and touched the side of her face, his fingers gently grazing her skin and hair. “Goodnight, Steve,” She murmured before again turning to go.

“Goodnight, Peggy,” He replied.

She looked at him one last time over her shoulder before slipping away, back to her own room to wind down and pull apart what had just happened. She thought that maybe sleeping with Steve would put her infatuation with him to rest- as if it were bursting the bubble in her mind. But of course, she realized as she lied in her own bed and looked over at the rose she’d set on her night side table, that isn’t what happened at all.


	7. Heart of Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while since updating! This chapter's pretty long, hopefully making up for lost time. Life's been kind of hectic and I haven't had a whole lot of time to write. Kind of want to abandon the whole thing actually, not sure if I will yet though.

The day following their tryst was, a bit odd, to say the least. They were both wise and polished, and knew better than to even show they slightest inflection in front of others that anything had ever transpired in the first place; but the underlying facts that only they knew about were somewhat hard to ignore.

Peggy had been there that following morning when the team was giving their reports, subtly watching him the entire time. She had had the whole night before to think about and sleep on what they had done, and she’d come to a few conclusions. All of which, she thought about as he gave his report to the fussy agent sitting at a large and messy desk.

The first conclusion was, _yes_. Thank the good Lord, after all the built up tension and admiring from both up close and afar, she finally had a chance to actually be with Steve Rogers. Not only had she been with him, she had become one with him. What they had done, though morally and professionally severely out of line, felt so blissfully right- even if it had been a bit clumsy at times. The way he had said her name, his hands on the curves of her body, his lips on her skin, his gentleness and reverence, that damning smile- it all made her feel _good_. Good in a way she couldn’t really remember having felt in a long time, or maybe even never before at all. Satisfying from top to bottom.

On the other hand, some apprehension had crept into her train of thought as well. Sure, they had slept together. And sure, it was fantastic. But had they made a grave mistake in doing so? There were questions that followed; like, what now? Would it ever happen again? Did he have any qualms about it? Had they crossed a line into a point of no return? She couldn’t help but be a bit bothered by the points she had made, along with a few others. Though she had been fascinated by Rogers and quite charmed by him, she didn’t really know him. She’d been very exposed and vulnerable with someone she truly didn’t know that much about. She intended on finding a way to see for herself, whether they would ever do such a thing again or not.

“Anything else you would like to add, Captain?” The report agent said, looking up at Rogers and the rest of the team through his thick glasses.

“I think that’s about everything.” Steve nodded after looking over his team that appeared to have nothing else to say. “Thank you for your time.”

With that, all seven men were signing their own copies of their reports, writing them off as official documents before being stamped as “CLASSIFIED” and filed correctly.

“It appears you’re all done here,” Peggy told the seven of them in dismissal. “Phillips wants all of you to conference with him this evening and plan out your next mission.” They had a moment of free time for the day, unlike her. She had to go street level and receive a few files from a field agent downtown. Nothing too dire- just numbers business like statistics and lists, “good stuff to keep the bottom of the pile on my desk warm” as Phillips put it.

“Hope it’s somewhere warm.” Morita said as they started to shuffle off, clapping his hand on Jones’ back.

“As long as Poland’s your version of warm,” Steve said back to him with a smile.

“Captain Rogers,” said Peggy.

“Agent Carter?” He said as he turned back to look at her. His eyes were cool but knowing.

“I believe Mr. Stark would like to have a word with you. He came up with some uniform modifications while you were away.”

He nodded. “Thank you, Peggy.”

Peggy made note to watch the other men’s reactions, maybe picking up on a rise out of them as if they knew something. There was nothing; nothing out of the ordinary that she should have taken into consideration. They knew nothing. After they were gone she headed off to get her coat and handbag, exhaling long and hard.

“Just leave them on my desk when you get back, Carter.” Phillips said as she walked by his office.

“Of course, sir.” She replied.

“Agent Carter,” He called out after she had walked passed.

Peggy walked back a few steps to his doorway again. “Yes, Colonel?”

“Would you please come in here a moment?”

She curved her lips in on themselves and stepped into his office, half closing the door behind her. Even though she knew not one soul knew a thing of her and Rogers, it still made her blood pump just a little faster when he’d asked for her.

Phillips cocked his head, pursing his lips. “I wanted to offer you an apology.”

“What for, sir?”

“I’m not wrong very often, but I was wrong about Rogers. Turns out the kid is more capable than I gave him credit for.”

“Indeed,” She nodded once.

“You always were willing to give him the credit, even at a high price. I wanted to say sorry for not seeing it your way sooner.”

Peggy couldn’t help her lips from pursing into a satisfied grin. “Thank you, Colonel.” It meant a lot that he was willing to admit his mistake- especially to her.

She thought she _almost_ saw a grin creep onto his face too, but she wasn’t so sure. “Unfortunately, you gotta admit your wrongs when they’re there. Like I said, just put the files on my desk when you get them.”

“I’ll be back straight away, sir.” She nodded once more before leaving him. She was sure to make a mental note of their exchange, knowing it was only a matter of time before she would find herself butting heads with him again.

* * *

“Good morning, Peggy.” said Agent Jessop as she emerged from the “toilets” of the backroom of the bookstore. Marie Jessop was an agent with the S.S.R. whose main job was to play store clerk for the mock secondhand bookstore that was the street level doorway to the bunker below ground- just like _Brooklyn Antiques_ in New York. Hiding in plain sight.

“Hello, Marie.” Peggy smiled as she headed for the door, making the bell above the doorway ring as she opened it.

“Button that coat, Agent Carter. It’s a cold one.”

The brisk air felt like a smack in the face as Peggy stepped out onto the sidewalk. “Thank you, Jessop.” Peggy replied back into the store before the door shut. She stuffed her hands into her coat pockets and began to make her way down the street to where she was supposed to meet the other agent. She didn’t make it very far though before seeing a familiar face.

“Barnes?” She said as she approached him. He was propped up against the brick siding of a building on the corner. He was watching life go by as he took a drag from his cigarette.

“Agent Carter,” He said with a handsome smile.

“May I ask what you’re doing out here?”

He shrugged. “Getting some sunlight, I s’pose.”

Peggy looked up at the dismal, gray sky. “And how might that be working out for you?”

“Obviously not as well as I’d like it to.” He chuckled. “Where’re you headed off to?”

“A little running around for Phillips,” She was about to make her adieus when she decided to extend an invitation instead. “Would you care to join me?”

He smirked again and pushed himself up off the wall. “No harm in that,”

Peggy glanced over at him as he walked beside her in silence. She was having trouble trying to find a topic of conversation, considering she knew next to nothing about him. But she would have been lying if she said she wasn’t a bit intrigued by Steve’s best friend. He seemed like he could have been somewhat of a lady’s man and charmer when he so chose to be, maybe if he didn’t look so underhandedly ashen. She knew they’d asked him to give a report on what Hydra had done to him, but he claimed it was nothing substantial or that he really remembered. She had a strong feeling he remembered and was living with much more than he led on. Plus, he was greatly connected to Steve- something she was most certainly interested in.

“Would you like one?” Bucky asked Peggy as he held out his tin of cigarettes, breaking the silence.

“Sure,” She said, picking one out of the tin. “Thank you,” She said with it in between her teeth after he’d handed her his lighter. Peggy didn’t normally smoke, it was always casual when she did. It did make her think about how casual, or how rigid, she wished to be with people she worked with as she took a quick puff from it. Then again, she had done a fabulous job of throwing all of that out the window the night before.

“Did you grow up anywhere near here?”

“Not in London directly, but not far outside the city limits. It’s called Hampstead.” She replied.

“Must be nice to be close to home.” He raised his eyebrows.

“It might as well be worlds away,” She sighed.

“Hey, it’s closer than Brooklyn,”

“That it is,”

Another silence fell between them. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable, she actually found it kind of nice. Barnes wasn’t a pig either, even though it was clear he was incredibly smooth need be. Plainly, he spoke to her like she was another normal human being, and that was enough for her.

“You gonna be at the meeting tonight?” Bucky asked.

“I am,” She nodded. “I believe this mission you’re headed off on next is longer than the first.”

“So the Captain tells me,” Bucky said before taking a drag from his cigarette again.

“Surely you enjoy it in a way.”

“Enjoy it?” He smiled, widening his stormy blue eyes as he looked at her.

“What I mean is,” She shrugged. “You're teamed with your best friend, I’m assuming that can’t be all bad.” She knew it would have been smart of her to keep the conversation topics away from Rogers, but there wasn’t much common ground to work with.

He tilted his head, smoking streaming out his nose. “That’s a plus, for sure.”

“It must be a bit strange, seeing him the way he is now.”

Bucky averted his eyes as he widened them momentarily again. “Damn straight,”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She smirked and continued to watch him.

Bucky had finished his cigarette and was putting out before flicking it away. “The entire time I’ve known Stevie, which has pretty much been my whole life, he’s barely clocked in at a hundred pounds. He’s double that now and taller than me now, so yeah, it’s kinda odd.”

“He doesn’t seem any different in demeanor, though. At least, as far as I can see.” Peggy didn’t see much, she hadn’t really known him before the serum had its way with him.

“He’s not,” Bucky shook his head. “He’s the same as always. A punk that never quits. It’s a good thing he’s got a heart of gold or else he would’ve gotten his ass beat a hell of a lot more often.” Peggy nodded. “I’m painting a bad picture here, I’m an asshole of a friend.” He shook his head. “Let me paint a better one.” He then smirked, digging his hands in his coat pockets. “Talk freely about our precious Captain and tell a story,”

“His ears will certainly be burning,” She grinned, inspecting the lipstick she was leaving on her cigarette.

“His ears will be fine.” He chuckled. “Growing up, my mother _always_ made me walk my sister, Rebecca, home from school. Every damn day- even if I had somewhere else to be. Bec can be a bit of a… pain in the ass, to put it nicely, so walking her home after whatever miserable day she had at school was no stroll in the park.”

“It seems as though you were a bit surrounded by pains in the arse,”

“That I was,” He laughed again. “Anyways, one day, when Stevie and I were about fifteen and Rebecca was twelve, I really wasn’t havin’ it. Steve and I met her outside of her school, and she came out the front doors spitting her bad attitude all over the place. I told her she was perfectly capable of walking herself home, and she didn’t even want the help anyway. Stevie told me it was a bad idea, even though Bec probably hated him the most. It pissed me off when he decided to walk her home himself instead of coming with me to meet up with a few guys. I even called him a few names before they were off on their way,”

“You were mad at him for doing something you were supposed to do?” She smiled.

“I did mention I’m being a bit of an asshole friend, didn’t I? So Steve walked her home, and they ran into a couple of scumbags that went to school with us.” Peggy watched as Barnes made a face, one that was hateful. “They wanted Rebecca to come with them, where to I have no fucking idea. Sorry. So, Stevie being Stevie, he tries squarin’ up with them. Bec even said he tried giving them some spiel on respecting women while he did it. They broke his nose and gave him two black eyes, but they left- and Steve walked her the rest of the way home with blood all over his school shirt. My father hung me up to dry for not walking her home myself, and Ma made Stevie whatever supper he wanted whenever he came over for ages afterwards. I felt like a shithead for letting it happen, but Steve said it was _okay_. Kinda like how he says everything’s always _okay_. Ever since then, Bec’s had a pretty big crush on him, and she hates everybody.”

“So he’s always been somewhat heroic.” She smiled again and prayed color wasn’t finding its way to her cheeks as she glanced down at the ground, finishing her own cigarette.

“He’s always done what he thinks is right, even if no one’s backin’ him up, and even if he knows he’s gonna get his ass good and kicked.”

“Sounds like what my old literature instructor would call a fatal hero flaw.”

“Hopefully not too fatal,” Bucky said, pursing his lips and looking away.

Peggy tilted her head, knowing she’d chosen the wrong words. “Not literally, of course.”

“I’ve been lookin’ after him for a long time, you know?” He nodded. “He’s needed it. The reason I was smoking outside when you found me is that it’s a force of habit to smoke away from him. His asthma isn’t even a problem anymore, but I can’t help it.” He said, exhaling. “And-" He then paused.

“And what?”

He exhaled long and loud, shaking his head slightly. “Between you and me,”

“I can keep a tight lip, Sergeant.”

He pursed his lips and cocked his head, seeming to be having trouble making eye contact. “He’s… look at him. Christ, he’s like a freak of nature, and I mean that in the best way possible. He’s my superior now- and I don’t have a problem with that, don’t get me wrong. But, you see, he doesn’t need me to look out for him anymore.”

Peggy pursed her lips. “How’s that feel?”

“Unsettling,” He said, digging for another cigarette.

She inhaled quietly and stared at him. She couldn’t help but be somewhat surprised he was opening up to her, considering they didn’t really even know each other. But on the other hand, she was happy he was. It made her feel accessible and approachable to those she worked with. “I don’t think that’s true, Bucky. I think Steve needs you now more than he ever has.”

He pursed his lips with a new cigarette in between them. “How’d you figure that?”

“Because,” She replied. “This is war, something I don’t think I have to remind you of. Rogers has gone from being a sickly young man to a captain in the army in a very short amount of time, I imagine that can’t be easy in every way. He’s going to need someone to hold him up sometimes, and I think it’d be better coming from someone who knows him like the back of their own hand. If there’s anytime Steve needs someone to look after him, it’s now more than ever.”

“You don’t gotta remind me,” He nodded as he blew out smoke. “And Stevie’s always been a silent sufferer.”

“So you see?” She said momentarily bumping into him on purpose. “You’ll keep each other grounded and centered, things you’ll need out there.”

He nodded again, falling silent for a bit. Peggy stayed quiet as well, letting him process and think about what was said.

“Come on,” She said, “The agent I’m supposed to meet should be in this storefront up ahead.”

They found the other field agent right where he was supposed to be. He wordlessly handed Peggy the files, and she smoothly hid them away in her bag. She and Bucky continued to walk forward.

“He really couldn’t just come to the bookstore?” Bucky scoffed.

Peggy glanced at him without turning her head and smirked. “Too easy,”

“Silly,” He shook his head. They’d only made it less than a block before he spoke again. “Just a heads up, Stevie doesn’t exactly have a whole lot of experience in dealing with women.”

Peggy side eyed him. “This is relevant how?”

Bucky smirked and shook his head. “I’m just apologizing on his behalf for when he says stupid shit that he doesn’t know is stupid.”

Peggy continued to stare at him, hoping her eyes were drilling holes in his skull. “I don’t see where you’re going with this.” She could feel herself sweating under her coat.

“You’re sweet on him, right?” He asked in a tone that was far too comfortable and casual.

Peggy stopped walking, halting to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk. She stared at him with wide eyes as he looked back at her, taking a moment to reel. His blue eyes weren’t judging or mocking, but they still wouldn’t make her crack. After a damning moment to compose herself, she walked back in step with him. “No such thing, Sergeant.”

He smirked, flicking up an eyebrow. “He hasn’t said anything, if that’s what you’re thinking. I just have eyes, is all.” She continued to stare at him. “No need to clock me in the jaw.”

“I wasn’t going to clock-“

“The look on your face says otherwise.” He laughed. “And I won’t go blabbering about your business, don’t worry.”

Peggy inhaled, glancing at the sidewalk in front of her. “Captain Rogers is a close colleague of mine, I’ve known him since his first day of boot camp.”

Bucky nodded without a hitch, seeing she wasn’t open to share just how close they were. “I know,” He replied with a smile. “So like I said, sorry in advance.”

Peggy stared at him again with her lips curved in on themselves as she nodded once before looking back down at the ground in front of her.

Maybe she and Steve had been making themselves for obvious that she hoped. Maybe more people knew more than they led on. Then again, Barnes was his best friend, and could probably pick up on Steve better than other people could, but the notion of being snuffed out by being personally exposed haunted her for most of the day.

* * *

Once they returned, Peggy handed off the files to Phillips and then went about making herself busy for the rest of the workday. She charged through paperwork and organizing things that really didn’t need it, only to clutter it again- anything to make herself unavailable to distractions or being bothered. Her mind was trying its best to make sense of the tug-of-war going on within. She couldn’t decide what trumped what, the euphoric pleasure she’d experienced the night before or the fear of the possible repercussions of their actions. It all was overwhelming and a bit frightening, but she couldn’t help the small piece of her deep inside of her that hoped their late night rendezvous would not be the last.

* * *

“Peggy,” Someone’s voice interrupted her deep train of thought as she sat at her makeshift desk, going through endless amounts of files to fill the void. Peggy looked up and saw Phillips standing in her doorway.

“Yes, sir?” She replied, closing the file in her hand and setting it aside.

“You don’t want to be late to the meeting now, do you?” He asked, already turning to leave.

“Oh,” She said as she stood up. “Of course not, sir. I’m right behind you.” Peggy thought that moment might have been the first time in her whole career with the S.S.R. that she had wished she’d been overlooked. Part of her wanted to just skip the meeting altogether, put some space between Steve and herself for her own personal peace of mind. But instead she entered the bullpen beside Phillips, seeing that most of the Commandos, including the Captain, were already seated. Steve sat at one end of the table, where he so rightfully belonged, watching her walk towards them with a file in front of him and Bucky at his side. Instead of taking a seat on the other side of him, Peggy decided to slip into the chair beside Howard. She caught Steve’s expression for a fraction of a second, he had looked her way as she walked in and found a seat, but glanced down at the wood of the table when she sat away from him. Her brain thought, _Good, lest we turn any heads, Steve,_ but somewhere in her chest didn’t like the flicker of disheartenment that danced across his features as he looked away from her.

“Where were you at lunch today?” Howard asked. “I ate alone, thanks to you.”

“I think you’re very capable of making friends, Howard.” She said as she smoothed out her skirt.

Before he could think of something smart to say, the meeting was called to order.

“It’s my understanding that I’ll be getting a postcard from Poland from you boys next, am I right?” Phillips said as he looked at Steve, drawing everyone’s attention in.

“That’s the plan, Colonel.” Steve said with such professionalism and authority. I was like he’d been made for his role as Captain, like it was carved out just for him. “Now I’ve never been to Poland, but if it’s like what everyone says it is in the winter, then I’m planning on us being gone a long while.”

Peggy tilted her head in agreement. Poland would be a war-torn icebox, probably difficult to navigate through.

“I imagine you won’t be back until the beginning of next year.” Peggy spoke up.

Steve raised his eyebrows and nodded. “Our time frame is three weeks to a month, so yes, we’ll probably be back the first or second week of January.”

 _If at all._ Peggy thought. It was a horrible and morbid thought, but it was true. The war was ripping Europe apart, and the Commandos were headed straight for the thick of it in the middle of winter. She fought the frown that wanted so desperately to pull her lips downward, afraid that their fates. She had copious amounts of hope in Steve and his team, and she knew she’d have to grip onto that just a little bit tighter.

“I’ve been working on some thermal regulators to wear under your uniforms.” Howard said. “You know, so you get to keep your toes and asses and what have you.”

“Good, I’d be nothing without this ass,” Peggy heard Dugan whisper to Montgomery from across the table. Montgomery closed his eyes and curved his lips into a fine line, doing a stand up job of disregarding Dugan’s wisenheimer comment.

“Enough about dates and underwear, let’s talk strategy.” Phillips piped up, leaning forward in his seat.

* * *

The meeting extended out of the evening and into the night, rightfully so, since the mission was much more extensive than the last. It was decided that they’d leave in less than a week for their excursion, rain or shine. They’d be gone longer than before, and were headed for a more dangerous area. Peggy glanced at all of their faces as the congregation at the table discussed the graveness of the mission. They were all soldiers, and good ones- great ones, and they all knew how to put on a good and solid face, one that wasn’t scared of anything. But she knew fear simmered beneath the surface. She could only hope those fears wouldn’t swallow them whole someday.

As everyone parted their own separate ways after the meeting, Peggy decided to go to the kitchen for something small and quick to eat. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was from skipping lunch and supper until Howard had complained about it before the meeting; she spent much of the time hoping her stomach wouldn’t whine at her loud enough for anyone to hear.

The kitchen was vacant when she entered, and it had been cleaned up for the night. Part of her felt bad for undoing the tidiness, but the rest of her was dying for something to eat. She fixed herself a sandwich with the most appetizing things she could find and made a cup of tea before sitting down to eat in silence.

The bread tasted a bit stale, but the tea sent relaxation down her spine as she sipped it, calming her buzzing brain. It was after taking a few bites that she heard someone come and stand in the doorway.

“I’m pretty sure they closed down the kitchen hours ago,” Peggy looked up and saw Steve in the doorway with a soft but awkward grin on his face. The oil and water within her were splashing together, making a mess in her chest. Part of her wanted Steve to leave her alone, give her more time to decide on how to go forward after moaning each others’ names less than twenty-four hours before. But the other part of her wanted nothing more than to be near him, be alone with him.

“I skipped supper earlier and now I’m famished, thought I’d grab something before bed.”

He nodded. “Can I sit?”

She smirked as she chewed, reaching just slightly and tapping the table so he would sit across from her. “By all means,”

He nodded again, taking the seat across from her. He sat forward with his fingers laced together, but he was fidgety, like he wasn’t quite sure what to say or do. It didn’t matter much to Peggy because she was in the same boat. The same boat that seemed to be taking on water fast. “Didn’t see much of you today,” He said.

She raised her eyebrows in reply, conjuring up a believable answer for her silly behavior of “hiding” in her work to avoid any awkward or theory-sparking interactions for the day. “I’ve been neck deep in bloody paperwork all day, and this morning I was sent to retrieve some files for Phillips.”

“Buck said he went with you when you went to get the files.”

Peggy nodded once as she sipped her tea. “He did. It was nice to go above ground for once, especially with someone else. Barnes seems like a good man.” A good man whom she’d already shared deep conversation with, she couldn’t help but sort of count him as a friend after such a short time spent with him.

A smirk shot across his face. “Sounds like a blast, especially with Bucky in tow.”

“Of course,” She grinned as well. “Who doesn’t love running errands for someone else only to have it called fieldwork?”

“Well,” He exhaled and shifted the way he sat, getting more comfortable. “It still sounds like more fun than the day I had.”

“And why’s that?” She asked, playing with the string on her tea bag that dangled over the edge of her cup.

“Howard’s been crawling all over me today. After showing me the stuff for the uniform he asked about every question under the sun and ran every test you could ever think of.”

She tilted her head. “Rightfully so, Steve. He’s blindly trying to understand the serum inside you, without Erskine I imagine it’s quite difficult to know exactly what to expect in you. He doesn’t want you keeling over on us, Captain.”

Steve glanced down at the table, seriousness flickering across his expression. “I know,” Peggy knew it still had to be bittersweet to talk about Erskine. There had only been a handful of people who believed in Steve from day one, and he was the one who had proudly led the pack. “It’s just annoying after the first twenty times Howard pokes you with a needle and asks if it hurts.”

“I would’ve hit him after the first time.” She chuckled. “He means well, Captain.”

“I know,” He grinned and nodded once, tilting his head to the side.

She couldn’t help but still smile as she spoke. “Actually, on our travels today, Sergeant Barnes recounted a riveting story of a young Steve-“

“Oh God,” Steve moaned, leaning back in his chair. He was immediately a bit flustered and embarrassed. “Which one? Whatever he told you, it isn’t true.”

“Oh really?” She said, taking another bite out of her supper. “So you didn’t save his sister from a couple of brutes while schooling them in feminism?”

He stared at her, a grin _almost_ poking through a look of utter humiliation. “Did he tell you they broke my nose?”

“He mentioned it,”

“Dammit, Buck. Son of a bitch.” He muttered.

“Why shouldn’t I know something like that?” She laughed. “I think it’s quite heroic.”

He rolled his eyes, always kind of uncomfortable and awkward when he was commended for heroism. She found it incredibly cute and charming that he pushed back against the flattery and compliments he deserved anyway. “I just gave ‘em something to hit before Bucky got to them.”

“He caught up with them later, did he?”

“Pretty sure he kicked the shit out of them. He was always cleaning up after me.”

“At least you meant well,” She replied.

“Well now it’s not fair.” He said with a small smirk on his face.

“What’s not fair?” Peggy tilted her head as she took another bite.

“You got to hear an embarrassing story about me, now you have to tell me one about you.”

“Says who?” She narrowed her eyes, pursing her lips with food still in her mouth.

“It’s only fair, Peggy.” He flicked his pretty blue eyes upward, trying to be coy. She had to admit the charm he was attempting to stumble towards wasn’t a complete failure.

“Fine,” She said, dropping her napkin on the table. “If you must know,” She looked up, wracking her brain for a good story to tell. “I think I have one you might enjoy.” Steve sat forward, ready. “When I was younger, my parents felt that I was always pushing the envelope- I was constantly doing something that other people wouldn’t see fit for young girls to be doing. I suppose they still think I do that. Anyway, they purposefully sent me to a nice preparatory school in hopes that it might straighten me out a little.”

“I’m guessing it didn’t go as well as they had hoped.” said Steve.

“Not entirely,” She shrugged. “The uniforms were terrible, the instructors were miserable, and the schoolwork was mountainous. Luckily I found myself a good group of friends, and together we all did a stand up job of making a mess of things whenever the opportunity so presented itself.” She sighed, continuing her story that she sort of regretted beginning to tell in the first place. “When I was in about year ten or eleven, I had ethics class with all of my friends, and the instructor was our headmaster of the school, Dr. Abney. He was a small, curmudgeon of a man. The class was absolutely terrible, so one day we decided to skip the class altogether. The weather had been getting quite hot, so we went down to the pond on the edge of campus to swim. It was all good and fun until some of the boys must have seen us and stole all of our clothes sitting on the banks. You can imagine how well that went when we were finished and saw we had nothing to wear.”

“How’d you get them back?” Steve chuckled, wide eyed.

“We didn’t know what to do, so we just stayed down at the pond- not like we were going to walk back into the school like that. Eventually, Abney and a few other professors went looking for us. Needless to say they called everyone’s parents. I’m sure just speaking about the ordeal gives my mum and dad a headache all the way from home and Abney is rolling in his grave somewhere.”

It was obvious to Peggy that Steve was trying extra hard not to laugh at her. She realized that the story she told was probably worse than his, at least his embarrassing tale was centered around him trying to do good for someone else. All her story brought forth was Peggy remembering the horror of having her instructors see more than she could have ever bargained for.

“I think,” Steve said, still trying to crack no more than a teasing grin. “We’re even now.”

“I would hope so with a story like that.” She smiled, feeling herself blush a bit. “You should have seen my brother when he came home from university for a weekend and heard about it. He laughed like a fool so hard he had to excuse himself from the table and cry elsewhere.”

“Understandable,” He nodded. Peggy looked him over, watching his eyes and how the gears in his head were surely turning behind them. “You never mentioned you had a brother.”

She couldn’t help her eyes from casting down for a moment, it was like a reflex to look away at the mention of him. “Michael, my first and best friend.”

“Is he like you?”

Peggy pursed her lips into a grin, getting up from the table to wash off her dish in the sink. “No,” She exhaled, her mind shuffled through images and memories. “He was better.”

She caught the expression on Steve’s face as she turned the corner to the sink. He heard her use the past tense to describe him. There was a pause of silence between them, the only sound being the water spitting out of the exhausted faucet. Peggy set her dish back with the clean ones and returned to sit back down with Steve. The way he watched her as she came back into the room was unmoving, even though the conversation had so obviously headed somewhere slightly uncharted and somewhat awkward and hard. There was a sincere and apologetic look in his heartfelt eyes, one that was both comforting but made her chest hurt at the same time.

“What happened?” He asked after she sat back down. His words were level and soft, the honest and earnest tone in his voice made her feel vulnerable.

She swallowed the small lump that normally formed in her throat when Michael was brought up with heaviness. “This war doesn’t discriminate with who it takes. He died in Germany in 1940.”

Steve shifted, leaning forward in his seat and edging his hand across the table to lay it on top of hers. “I’m sorry, Peggy.”

Her eyes flicked towards the doorway for just a moment, making sure the coast was clear. She looked back at him, sighing and tilting her head. “So am I.” She put her other hand on top of his hand that rested on her own before pulling them back. “I wouldn’t have this position if it weren’t for him. I was a code breaker in the beginning of the war, but he put in a recommendation for me to join the S.O.E., which lead to the S.S.R., and here I am.”

“He’s proud of you,”

“I hope so.” She exhaled once more, lacing her hands together and wearing a small grin. “It might feel a bit better when we win this blasted war.”

Steve nodded. “Damn straight,”

“Until then I suppose you and the rest of the Commandos are just going to have to give Schmidt a run for his money.”

“I plan on it.” He replied, his one hand resting on the table curving into a fist. “We tore up one base, and we’ll do it a hundred more times.”

Peggy reached across the table and patted his fist twice. “There’s no one better for the job, if you ask me.”

Steve grinned and momentarily averted his eyes, deflecting another compliment about his nobility and ability.

There was a moment of comfortable silence before Steve had to open his mouth and make it uncomfortable quite quickly. “Peggy,” He said as he tilted his head. It sounded as if he was having trouble with his words before he said them, like he was meticulously picking them before speaking. “I think we should talk about last night.”

She inhaled and sat up straight, folding her hands together again to compose herself. There were a hundred things that could have been said, but she couldn’t find any that weren’t either wildly awkward or hard to formulate. “Well,” She said slowly. “What would you like to say?”

He opened his mouth, though nothing came out at first. He then shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I don’t know. We work together.”

“That we do.” Peggy nodded once.

He shook his head slightly, touching his hand to his mouth before looking down at the table again. “I just… I just don’t know, Peg.”

“Maybe it’s best we say nothing then.” She replied, even if she didn’t mean it. “You and I both have jobs that we worked hard for, and I, for one, would be sick to see it compromised.” He nodded in agreement. “It would be wise if we just… carried on.”

Steve’s lips twitched, almost like a smirk, as he tilted his head to the side. “Good idea.”

Peggy inhaled and exhaled slowly, staring at him as she did it. She soaked him in as he sat across from her looking both happy and discouraged at the same time. Maybe they had put an end to the beginning, and something inside of her was starting to feel a pang of regret. “We made a mess of things, didn’t we?” She asked quietly.

He shook his head again. “No, I don’t think so. I hope not.”

Peggy pursed her lips, glancing down at his hands. “Do you regret it?”

He only shook his head once more in reply.

“Neither do I,” She whispered. A moment or so of silence passed between them, drowning them and saving them all at the same time. “Well,” she sighed. “I think it’s high time I go to bed, Captain. Thank you for keeping me company.”

“Sure thing,” He nodded once, staying seated.

Peggy walked toward the doorway in an effort to leave, looking back at Steve with her hand on the doorframe. He was watching her go with the same look of gentle respect and admiration on his face that he usually wore when he looked at her. His full, pink lips gave her a small and charming smile- the one that made her blood start to run hot. He glanced back down to his hands and poked his cheek with his tongue, looking like his mind was whirring at a million miles an hour. He was so lovely Peggy swore it had to be a crime. He’d been charming and careful and kind, even if they had possibly made a mess of themselves the night before. She also knew it would feel like a crime to just leave him there when she could feel nearly every inch of herself start buzzing.

“Care to join me, Steve?” The words fell out of her mouth without regret.

He looked up at her through his mile long eyelashes with an expression of surprise and confusion. “Um, what did you say?”

“Come to bed with me,” She said low and quick, nodding her head towards the hallway where her quarters were.

He didn’t need much convincing after that as he nodded and stood quickly. He followed quietly and closely behind her, both of them making sure no one would see them slip into the same room.

Peggy closed her bedroom door behind her and turned to face him. He looked like art standing there with a look of anticipation radiating off of him like heat.

“You said that we should just carry on.” He said; it almost sounded as if he was taunting her.

“We are,” She reached out for the back of his neck, pulling him down to kiss him. Steve put his hands on her waist and half stepped backwards, sitting down on her bed. Peggy situated herself in his lap and let her shoes slip off to the floor. She ran her hand through his hair, making it look like a blonde mess. This time their kissing was slower, not like before when they had both been so sick and tired of composure. This time Peggy was taking better mental notes of what it was like- the way his hands squeezed curves of her body, the small wanting noises that escaped him when she held fistfuls of his hair that the nape of his neck, or the warmth of his mouth and the alluring way his lips moved against her skin. She knew he was going to do her in all over again.

“We’re taking countermeasures this time, Captain.” She murmured with his lips on her jawline. She’d felt like the biggest fool on the planet for going unprotected the night before and she was not about to go and do it again.

He exhaled and nodded. “Yeah, Peg. I got it.”

“You do?” She tilted her head back so she could look at his face in its entirety.

He pursed his lips sheepishly and shifted her weight in his lap so he could reach behind them. “Uh, I wasn’t sure if last night was the last time, so I got these.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out a small, blue tin of prophylactics.

“Oh,” She smiled, putting her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. Even when he was embarrassed for being ambitious, she still found him incredibly adorable and charming. “Well, good on you then.”

“Thanks,” He said, tossing them onto her bedside table before getting back to kissing her jaw and moving his lips down her neck.

Peggy arched her back, pressing her body to his chest. He felt warm and inviting, just like he had the night before. Steve slowly fell backwards onto the mattress, taking Peggy with him. She sat up, straddling his waist with her skirt bunched up at her thighs. She looked him over, her eyes trailing from his face to his shoulders and torso.

“What?” He asked, hands holding her hips firmly.

“Nothing,” She shook her head and grinned before beginning on the buttons of her blouse.

* * *

They went right ahead and made another pile of clothes on the floor like they had the night before, all while smiling and shushing each other in between gasps and sighs. Peggy was nearly astounded and flattered by how he treated her- worshipped her body like it was something sacred. Never in her life had she felt so revered and admired.

She felt a bit of deja vu when it was over, staring up at the ceiling while trying to catch her breath, Steve laying beside her doing the same. He moved his arm under her head, giving it something to rest on. Yet again, they’d done something that was probably so wrong but had felt terribly right. Though this time, Peggy was sure she wouldn’t wake up the next morning with any doubts or regrets.

“Steve,” She spoke up.

“Yeah?”

She half rolled towards him to get a good look at his face. The pink color was subsiding in his cheeks and his hair was still artfully disheveled. “Can you keep a secret?”

He swallowed and nodded. “I can,”

“Good,” She said, propping herself up with one arm before dipping back down to kiss him. “This is ours.”


	8. What About You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS  
> I am SO sorry about the delay on this chapter omg. It's just that this one was sooo long and sort of a filler so I never had a lot of motivation to write, obviously lol. Like a said, lengthy and sort of uneventful, but necessary in the long run. AAAND I pinky swear the next chapter will be more exciting! It's one I've really been looking forward to getting to! Bear with me if you're still out there!

_Maybe Dad will be the one to pick up the telephone._ Peggy thought, outwardly cringing as she read the overview of her next mission. In about a week, she was headed to Belgium for two weeks to help recover materials from an Allied base that had been once taken over by Hydra. It had actually been liberated by a platoon of troops around the same time as the rescue mission in Azzano. Those in the S.S.R. that had been there had been weeding through it for some time, considering Hydra had remade all of the old and new files in their own code. Her job, as a former key specialist in code, was to try and untangle the damn mess Schmidt and his men had made. She wasn’t exactly keen on reverting her job back to code breaking, but she was especially interested in seeing what they might have been hiding.

And because she was meant to be there for at least a two weeks, she was sure she was going to miss Christmas. She knew her mother and father were probably quietly hoping Peggy would drop by home for the holiday considering she was close by, but now she had to make the call that’d she’d be in a different country entirely. The image of her parents spending Christmas without either of their children made her stomach feel odd. It was times like these that made her feel like the worst daughter in the world.

She stood from the small desk she’d overtaken, heading towards the communications corner of the bullpen. She felt it was best to get the conversation over with as soon as possible. Diaz was standing on his swivel chair when Peggy rounded the corner, reaching high on his board to plug a line in.

“Diaz,” She said carefully, trying not to startle him and send him tumbling off the chair.

“Agent Carter,” He said, unfazed. For a man that always had massive headphones on his ears, she was sure he heard just about everything. “What can I do for you?”

“I’d like to make a quick telephone call home, if you would. I just need to be patched into Hampstead, I can talk to the operator from there.”

“Sure thing,” He said, hopping down. “Right after I finish this.”

“Take your time.” She meant it. A conversation that would surely disappoint her parents wasn’t one she was jumping to have, even if she wanted it over with.

She stood by as Diaz finished his task, giving her time for her mind to wander. And it did just that.

Peggy had spent the few days following her and Steve’s story swapping affair doing a great deal of mental math and calculating. _If I get all of my work done in the next hour I’ll be able to catch Steve after that artillery assessment he’s been in all day. His room is closest but mine has less people poking around it. Maybe I should just wait for him there. He’ll know to come by._

She had no more hesitations about sleeping with Steve, not like after the first time. The second time, that next night, put all the doubt to rest. What they had done to and for each other was too good to go denying, even if there were bigger issues to attend to- like a damn war. Peggy told herself that it was a spot of good in a world of bad, making it all the more justified and satisfying. He and Peggy had managed to find time for each other nearly every night since. Peggy could feel her blood pump hotter each night as she watched people file off to bed. If they were asleep, that meant the coast was clear, and they could finally go about making each other’s eyes roll back in their heads.

“Carter,” Diaz’s voice pulled Peggy out of her own mind.

“Yes?” She said, straightening up.

“Head noise, huh?” He said, making it apparent he had to say her name more than once to get her attention. She nodded, lips pressed together. “Story of my life,” He smirked. “All yours. I already went ahead and patched you through to Hampstead, the operator’s waiting on the line.

“Thank you, Diaz.” She grinned and took a seat in his worn swivel chair. She picked up the telephone and slowly cradled it on her shoulder as she folded her hands. “Hello?”

“Good evening, miss. Where can I connect you?” The operator said with a cheerful but smoke-heavy voice.

“The residence of Harrison Carter, please.”

“One moment,” They replied, a moment of silence passed. “I’m patching you through now.”

“Thank you, have a lovely night.”

“You too, dear.” She heard before the sound of the telephone click and begin to ring.

It rang only a few times before someone picked up. “Hello?”

 _Dad, thank God._ She thought. “Hi, Dad.” She said, unable to keep a smile from finding its way to her lips. Even if she was bearing dismal news, she couldn’t help but feel some warmth from the sound of his voice.

“Peggy?” He replied, she could hear papers shuffling on the other end of the line. “My dear Margaret!”

“I didn’t wake you, did I?” She asked.

“How crotchety of an old man do you make me out to be, child? We only ate supper a half hour ago.”

“That’s late for you. Is everything alright?”

“Everything is grand, now that I’m speaking to you. How are you? Any trouble?”

“I’m quite fine,” She said, sitting up straighter. “And no- no trouble here. I’m mostly just up to my ears in files and paperwork.”

“Sounds safe, I like it.”

“Where’s mum?”

“Outside feeding that blasted garden cat.”

“That’s why it keeps coming back.” She chuckled.

“I hope you’re calling to say you can sneak away for the day on Christmas, your mother and I would love to see you.”

Peggy instinctively looked down, her lips twitching into a hard frown. “That’s why I called, actually.”

She knew he could hear it in her voice. “I suppose something pressing has come up?”

Her eyes were beginning to burn; the soft spot for her lonely parents was always an easy hit. “Belgium,” was all she said.

There was a long pause on the other end as she heard him sigh. “I’ll tell your mother. No need in bunching her up over the telephone.”

“Thank you, Dad.” She said softly. She was so thankful for how understanding and tenderhearted he was, she didn’t deserve an ounce of it.

“Of course, my love. Any of those barbarians giving you a hard time?”

She swallowed and shook her head. “No, I haven’t had many issues there.” Of course she’d had issues- she was a woman in the army surrounded by men who more often than not loved waving her off, but it wasn’t enough to go spilling to her father.

“I imagine you’ve got it all under control. I’ll let you get back to work. It was wonderful talking to you.”

“You too,” She smiled, though her eyes still hurt. “I love you,”

“I love you too, Margaret. See you soon.”

“Goodnight,” She replied, being sure not to repeat the “See you soon”, considering she had no idea what _soon_ meant.

After she’d hung up and thanked Diaz again, Peggy made sure her work for the day was all tied up before heading off to find Steve. She tried to navigate her time so that she could conveniently cross paths when he was finished his business.

Just as she had hoped, he and Barnes entered the bullpen as she was squaring her things away, speaking to each other on the other side of the busy room. Bucky had his back to her as Steve faced him with Peggy surely in the background of his line of vision. She looked on from afar, watching how he spoke with a smirk tugging at his lips. She found herself slowly biting down on her own lip absent-mindedly, patiently waiting to smear her lipstick across his collarbone. Peggy had never tried a single drug in her life, but she was beginning to think she almost understood what it was like to long after something the same way. She was completely enthralled by the way they came together, feeling it could only go up from there. In less than a week, she was made sure he was something she couldn’t go long without. Especially since he was leaving the following morning, tonight would have to hold her over.

She noticed him look up slightly in her direction. She could see him acknowledge her without Bucky noticing a hitch. All Peggy had to do was give him the slightest indication of what and where, and she knew he would get the idea. She pursed her lips and flicked her eyes towards the direction of her quarters. Steve tilted his head slightly as he spoke to Barnes as if to nod in agreement. He’d be there. Peggy exhaled and continued to go about her business.

“Any plans for tonight?” Howard said as he walked up to her, appearing out of thin air as he normally did.

“It’s a school night,” She sighed before giving him a grin. “So no,”

“Really?” He raised an eyebrow. “Because I was thinkin’ about dragging Rogers back to my room showing him a good time before he leaves tomorrow, or were you gonna do that?”

Peggy immediately felt her blood running boiling hot with defense and fury. “I beg your damn pardon, Mr. Stark?”

“Oh, come on, Peg! You think so little of me- I’m a genius, remember?”

She quickly looked around her peripheral vision; no one was close enough to hear them. “I’d love to know what the bloody hell you’re talking about.”

He narrowed his eyes, still smiling like a fool. “If there’s anyone who knows anything about affairs, Miss Carter, it would be me. I know for a fact you two go at it like a couple of rabbits in spring.”

Peggy’s eyes widened in embarrassment and horror. “And how on earth would you know such a thing?” Her voice was low and quick.

He put his hands on his hips. “Did I not just make myself clear? If anyone around here is having sex besides me, I know about it. I’m just glad I’m not the only one.”

She exhaled and closed her eyes, massaging her temples to try and rub out the tension that was quickly coiling in her head. She knew she could have lied or played coy, but he had caught her so off guard that there was almost no point in trying. “Howard, I really-“

“Don’t sweat, Peggy. He didn’t go spilling any beans and you two are nice and discreet.” He said before chuckling and nonchalantly shaking his head, leaning against the desk next to him with one hand. “I actually only got a real clue yesterday morning when I was making some adjustments to his suit. I wasn’t sure if I liked what I was doing, so I had him come by and try it on for me. He unbuttoned his shirt and I saw what looked like some bruises on his neck. They were all yellow and looked old, but I knew with the way he heals they had probably only been there a couple of hours. Good idea on you, by the way. Below the ear is the best place for a hickey.”

Peggy was sure in that moment that her face was as red as the blood that was definitely still bubbling inside of her. She slowly breathed out her nose, unsure if angry smoke was spilling out. She reached for the pencil behind her ear slowly, inspecting it before quickly and subtly stabbing it down into the table with a flick of the rest, situated between two of Howard’s fingers. His head shot up, gawking at her with a look of fear that let her know she had the upper hand for a passing moment. She stared back at him, intently hurling fireballs at him with her chocolate brown eyes. “As a close friend of mine, I trust that you can keep those windbag lips of yours nice and tightly shut, Howard.”

“As a close friend of _mine_ , I would hope that you would know that I respect you more than that.” He said, not breaking the stare.

She continued to stare, feeling more and more like an idiot. First, she had been found out- a quick barrage of embarrassment making her look as guilty as sin. Second, she felt like a fool for doubting Howard’s ability to actually be a decent person and a good friend, something he’d been all along to her. She decided that looking like a fool was done and over with, flushing out the cringing feeling with an air of poise to try and save herself further damage. “Thank you,” She said, offering a pretty grin before picking up the pencil and gently placing it on the table. “Now, I have business to attend to, Mr. Stark. I will see you tomorrow when you show me those modifications you made to my gun.”

“Have a good night, Peg.” He smirked as he straightened up, crossing the room to leave, not without clapping Steve on the shoulder on his way out. Peggy rolled her eyes, Howard was a complete arse nearly every waking moment of the day, but his friendship hadn’t let her down yet. Who knew that one of the only people she felt she could truly count on would be Howard Goddamn Stark?

* * *

Peggy headed off to her room shortly after, sitting down on her neatly made bed with an overview of her upcoming mission, reading it over for the hundredth time. The last few pages of the overview were refreshers on code, though glancing over it once brought it all back.

Code reminded her of what seemed like a different lifetime entirely. The life she had in her time as a code breaker was so far removed from her current life. She’d still lived at home, kept up with a myriad of friends, Michael had still been alive, _she’d been engaged to be married_ \- it all gave her a strange and starry nostalgic feeling.

She shuddered at the thought of the engagement, knowing in hindsight she would have been miserable if she had married Fred Wells. The love for him that she had was conjured up by other people’s image for her life that she almost went and believed herself. It would have been a sad semblance of a happy existence to spend her life with him, a man who would never see eye to eye with her when it came to what her calling was. The love she had invented for him never would have been enough; the thing whispering in her ear telling her to get up and fight was bigger than that fabricated dedication would ever be. _Thank you Michael,_ she thought for a passing moment. Without him and his reminder and sacrifice, she was sure there would have been a nauseating ring on her left hand- and a ball and chain around her ankle.

She was yanked out of her deep thought for the second time that night when her door creaked open quickly. Steve offered a sweet smile as he slipped into her room and shut the door silently behind him. “Hi,” He said, holding his hands together.

“Hello,” She grinned back, patting the spot beside her on her bed.

“What’re you doing?” He asked as he sat down.

“Looking over information on my mission.” She said, aimlessly thumbing through it again. “It’s getting tedious at this point, actually. I’d like to just get going with it.”

“Tired of looking at code?”

“Hmm, something like that.”

“What’s on your mind?” He asked, resting his lips on her shoulder.

Peggy tilted her head, trying to look at him as he did so. She tried to remember the last time a man asked her about what she was thinking about. It wasn’t very often that a man was curious about the inner workings of a woman’s head, but the sincere curiosity in his voice had been real and honest.

“Just thinking about my coding days,” She sighed as she reached across him to plop the file down on her bedside table. “It was an alternate universe altogether.”

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked as his hand touched her knee, his fingers brushed against the dip on the inside corner.

She was surprised yet again that he not only asked her about that she was thinking, but also was willing to talk about it. Then again, Steve had taken the liberty of surprising her over and over again. There was a part of her that was apprehensive about really opening up with Steve on anything other than a physical level- even if she wanted to. And maybe she would have talked about it if he weren’t making her wish that his hand on her would climb higher and higher up her leg. “Some other time, I would love to. Let’s talk about you.” She said as she repositioned herself to face him better.

“What about me?” He asked as he also shifted to face her.

“You’re headed out tomorrow, Steve, straight for the thick of it.” He nodded as she looked over his face. “Aren’t you scared?”

He thought about it as he pursed his lips, casting his eyes downward but looking at nothing in particular. “No, I’m not.”

“No?” She said as she edged closer. He shook his head and shrugged. “You’re not afraid to get a long, hard look at what this war is doing to Europe? To the world? You haven’t seen much of it yet, Steve.”

He shrugged again, obviously thinking harder about her question. “I’m ready.”

She nudged closer again, reached out to touch his cheek with the backside of her hand. “I don’t want Captain America’s answer, I want Steve Rogers’.”

He swallowed and raised his eyebrows. “I’m not afraid of a fight- never have been.”

She looked over his face again, soaking in the look on it. She could tell he meant what he said; he would never back down from a challenge. He didn’t seem scared either, not yet. She hoped the war wouldn’t rip at him like she’d seen it do to so many people- to her. “Hold on to that,” She whispered.

He nodded once, his eyes flicking down to her lips. “I’ll be gone a while,”

“Mhmm,” She hummed. “I won’t see you until the new year.”

“I’ll miss Christmas too,”

“A shame,” She sighed, watching his pink lips part again.

He leaned forward, speaking into her neck and letting his breath get her blood to rush in her. “Are you gonna miss me?”

“Not sure,” She inhaled, closing her eyes. “Let’s jog my memory on why I should.”

He kissed her first, holding her chin in place. He’d slowly gained more confidence in the passed few nights, initiating and speaking up for direction every once in a while; although mostly gladly following her lead. She loved it- the way he so wonderfully and naturally took charge in leading in his job, but could be a secret kind of submissive with her. She liked the privilege and the power he gave her. In a quick motion, she reached into his back pocket and pulled out the blue tin.

“Lie down,” Peggy said in a low voice, gently pushing on his chest. “You’re getting your Christmas gift right now.”

Steve inhaled after he hit the mattress, Peggy could feel his whole body tense under her as she straddled him. She pulled away at his shirt before unbuttoning her own, then working on the zipper on the side of her skirt.

After their clothes had been done away with, Peggy got to work on giving him his gift. In fact, it was like a gift to herself. She’d quickly realized she loved feeling the way his body reacted- every jolt and arch of his spine made her bite down on her lip to keep from outright smiling at him while he came undone. The noises she knew he would make were like motivators to get him as close as possible before he went spilling over the edge. She knew it was probably some kind of sadistic, but she loved the passing moment where he was completely at her mercy. It wasn’t even so much the mercy that had her head spinning, but the fact that he was just so damn perfect to watch and please. It was only then she’d finish the job, getting a chance to bask in the glow that radiated off of him while he tried desperately to catch him breath that had escaped him. And with the thought of it all, she pressed her body down on him harder, feeling the heat of his skin as they really got going.

“Think about this while you’re away,” She breathed when she knew he was getting close. The cues his body gave that she’d quickly learned were starting to go off. “Think about me,”

He nodded quickly as he tilted his head back. “Sure thing,” He muttered. His breathing was going shallow and she knew he was just about finished.

“Steve,” She murmured his name, encouraging and egging him on.

Peggy watched in satisfaction as he bit his lip to stay quiet as he hit his high. Again, he was like art as he laid there panting in a pleasant daze.

“Merry Christmas,” She chuckled as she bent down to kiss him.

“Merry Christmas, Peg.” He replied breathlessly, running a hand through her hair. He kissed her again, tasting like salt from the sweat on his skin. Peggy fell to the bed beside him, and Steve wasted little time to roll over on top of her. She breathed in a ragged breath; it was her turn now.

She still was not over the fact that he damn near worshipped her body. He was careful and methodical, and still knew exactly how to make her head feel like it was dangerously spinning. He’d been quick to learn her body as well- so quick that she wanted to scream in thanks as he pushed her into pleasure.

“You gonna sit still this time?” He murmured against the skin of her inner thigh.

Peggy nodded as she took a deep breath. “I will.” He was referencing to the way her body would shake like a leaf when he had his way with her. It was always her big indicator that he was doing something right, and the fact that he even challenged it made her brain buzz all the more.

“Good,” He replied.

There he went, making her feel as ethereal and weightless as some unearthly being. Every kiss and movement he made on her was so perfect that she couldn’t even see straight. She could barely take it anymore as her body began to rattle.

“There,” She whispered as the shaking got worse.

Steve nodded, gripping down on her one hip to try and keep her body still. She felt a bit of pain as he did it, since she was sure there were bruises there from the other times he’d attempted to hold her down and keep her from floating away. The resistance his hand pushed onto her jolting waist made the pressure grow even quicker. She bit down so hard on her lip as he finished her off that she was sure there would be blood mixing with the remnants of the smeared lipstick that was left.

He smiled as he crawled back up the bed to her, watching her as she lied there winded and drowning in warm bliss. “Happy New Year,” He chuckled, kissing her neck.

“With that I’d say it will be,” She exhaled, maneuvering to kiss his face. “We’ve made a bit of a habit of this, Steve.”

“I noticed,” He replied, propping himself with one arm.

“It’s going to be a while,” It was like she was reminding herself again out loud. They were both headed out into the cold and unforgiving warfront, and she couldn’t help but be slightly fearful of what that could mean. Steve was superhuman, but certainly not bulletproof.

“So you are gonna miss me?” He smirked.

Peggy smiled and rolled her eyes. “I suppose so, then.”

“Here,” Steve said, maneuvering to reach over her body and start messing around with things on her bedside table. She moved her head to see over his arm, catching him pluck up the pen sitting on top of her file and reaching for her handkerchief that had managed to find its way to the floor beside them.

“What the bloody hell are you doing?” She asked with a grin, still trying to get a good angle to see what he was doing.

“It’s a Christmas gift,” He said, moving the pen across the white, lace lined handkerchief.

“I thought we just exchanged gifts.” She narrowed her eyes.

“We did,” He replied, tilting his head slightly with a grin. “This is one you can hold onto until I get back.” He was finishing up whatever he had penned onto her kerchief. “There,” Steve said after he’d finished, holding it up for a moment to look at it himself before giving it to her.

Peggy took it from him, holding it up herself so she could see. In black, slightly bleeding ink, Steve had quickly sketched a rose in the corner of the handkerchief. It was done quickly, but was still better than anything she could ever attempt herself. The petals even had shadowing and he’d even given the stem a thorn or two.

“I gave you one before, so I thought I’d give you one that won’t die so quick.” He said, pushing a lock of hair away from her face.

“It’s beautiful, Steve.” She said as she inspected it further. How he managed to get such pretty detail in a scribble was beyond her. “Thank you,” She put a hand on his face as she reached up to kiss it.

He flashed her another pretty smile before laying back down, putting his arm over Peggy and tugging on her hip for her to lie down as well. She situated herself beside him, her gift still in hand. They laid in peaceful quiet, both clearly doing a lot of thinking. She was sure her words from earlier were poking unnecessary holes in his fearlessness, and she regretted saying them in the first place. He was a goddamned captain after all; she would have hated to be the nitpicker that threw him off of his focus.

“What about you?” He said, finally speaking up.

“What about me?” Peggy asked as she looked at him.

“What about your mission? How dangerous is it?”

Peggy propped herself up on her side to get a better look at him. She studied his face in odd disbelief. He was thinking about her- not his own mission. _Unbelievable, selfless son of a gun_ , she thought. “You needn’t worry about my mission in the slightest, Captain.” She said as she set the handkerchief on her nightstand. “I’ll most likely be posted at a desk sorting through piles of Hydra shit, very cushy. You worry about you and your men. I’ll take care of me.”

He looked like he was going to argue, but he made the smart choice of keeping his mouth shut. She didn’t want him to worry for a second about her. In the grand scheme of things, she was unimportant- just the woman he was sleeping with while he wasn’t out there fighting the good fight. The thought made a grimace push on her lips, making her feel small. Nothing ever made her feel like that, only letting her know that her admiration and infatuation with Steve was too quickly turning out to be more than either of them probably needed. Maybe it was best to have a month apart, if only under not so dangerous circumstances. He picked his words wisely. “I know you can take care of yourself.”

“That I can.” She nodded once with confidence. After looking over his gentle face for anther moment, she knew it was time to close out the night. “It’s probably best if you went and rested up, Steve.”

Again, he looked like he wanted to protest, but he didn’t. “Probably,” He nodded, starting to shift to get up out of bed.

Peggy watched carefully, wrapping herself up in her sheet while he redressed himself. She always knew Steve was special, even during her moments of doubt when she first laid eyes on him. She knew there had to be something special about him to get picked for the project, and special he’d proven to be. Part of her just wished he would stop turning out to be so special to her.

“When do you ship out tomorrow?” She asked as she watched on.

“Oh six hundred, nice and early.” He smirked while putting his shoes back on. “What about you? When do you head out for Belgium?”

“Next week,”

He raised his eyebrows in reply. “Well, I don’t know if I’ll see you tomorrow morning, so I guess this is goodbye.”

“I guess so,” Her voice came out softer than she wanted it to.

“I’ll see you when I get back then,”

She nodded. “Stop by my room when you get in,” She said without much thought. She knew she’d want to see him as soon as she could, just to know everyone came out unscathed.

“’Kay,” He nodded. “Will do.” Steve had finished putting himself back together by then, all ready to go. “Goodnight, Peggy,”

“Goodnight, Steve. Safe travels.” Peggy said, curving her lips into a small smile.

“You too,” He offered a grin.

Just as he was about to half step towards the door when she caught his hand. “Steve,”

He looked down at her hand gripping his before looking at her face. “Yeah, Peg?”

She pulled on his hand, bringing him back to her. She craned her neck to look straight up at his face, the face she’d found endearing since the first day she saw it. “You be careful- all of you. Understood?”

His eyebrows furrowed together with seriousness and sincerity. “You too,”

“And make those bastards pay,”

“They will,” He said solidly.

Her lips twitched a grin after a second of staring at each other. “See you next year, Steve.”

He smiled as well, bending back down to kiss her. He did it slowly, like he was savoring it until the next time. “I’ll see you soon, Peg. Get some sleep.”

She kissed him again before letting go of his hand and sending him on his way. He gave a small wave of the hand before slipping out the door.

Peggy sighed once she was alone, knowing there was no real surefire way to crawl out of the rabbit hole that was making itself clear she was falling down. Belgium couldn’t come soon enough to put her damn head in perspective.

* * *

Peggy did see Steve the next morning, but only for a fleeting moment. She saw a flash of the flag clad soldier from across the bunker before they were off on their way. He was off to wear that flag with a heavy purpose- to stomp out Hydra and help carry the Allies towards victory. She had full faith that he could do it, and she felt a strange sense of pride as she watched him leave. She was proud to work with him, proud to know him. Of course, she’d probably worry a bit while he was away, but she knew full well the ones who should be worrying were the people he and the Commandos were coming for.

* * *

The next week moved with purpose, and it was soon time for Peggy to ship out herself. She’d put together a knapsack of a few things she’d need that she was sure a base full of men wouldn’t have before finally getting ready to ship out. As she walked through the bullpen, she reminded herself again she’d miss Christmas with her parents, and that silly sorry feeling prodded at her heart for what seemed like the hundredth time. She swallowed and pressed forward, pushing down the ugly feeling to felt some other time.

The trip to Belgium took longer than expected on the account of, as Peggy saw fit to call it, “the most shit Christmastime weather anyone could ever ask for”. Northern France was cold and windy, with the occasional layer of new snow coating over the old ones as she and another agent made their way towards the Belgian border.

Upon arrival to the base that was situated wooded hills not far from the French border, Peggy was greeted by the base’s commanding officer and another soldier. The officer had a hard look on his face, a war-tugged expression with a hint of distaste. She wanted to roll her eyes over the distaste and dismissiveness on his face—she knew what it would mean.

“Agent Carter,” He said once she and the soldier that had intercepted and escorted her neared them.

“Commander Groves,” She looked up and saluted. She’d read up on him in her overview, although in that moment all she could think about was how bloody tall he was.

He looked her over once quickly, sizing her up. “You’re two days late.”

“My apologies, sir.” She said. “The weather was not in our favor.”

“This is Corporal Daniels.” He said, disregarding what she had said and nodding towards the man standing next to him.

“Soldier,” She said, nodding at him as well.

“I’d like you to show him what you know in code, that way when your time here is done we can still have someone that can weed through any leftover information.”

“Very well,” Peggy replied. No part of her was happy about not only decoding endless amounts of information, but also teaching someone else how to do it.

He pursed his lips and placed his hands behind his back. “Follow me.”

Peggy followed the Commander and the Corporal inside the base. She noticed immediately that the interior of the building was no warmer than the frosty winter air outside. Groves wasted no time in showing her around the base, but instead lead her straight to a closet of a room, covered in stacks upon stacks of papers surrounding an old telephone switchboard that sat against the one wall. The only other thing in the room was a minuscule desk with a typewriting sitting on it.

“This is everything we have, and I’ve been told there may be recoverable information dealing with the switchboard. I’ll let you deal with that.” said Groves.

“Thank you, sir.” She replied. “Where might I put my things?” She looked over her shoulder to the sack of things she’d brought with her.

“Right.” He said, like he forgot she needed living space. “Daniels will escort you to a spare bunk room at the end of the day. I’d like a report at the end of each day, by the way.”

“Very well, Commander. Thank you again.”

With a simple nod, he was gone.

“Well,” Peggy sighed and turned to Daniels after she’d stood in the middle of the tiny room for a moment. “Ready to give code a go?”

“As I’ll ever be.” He replied. Daniels was already about as dismissive and misogynistic as Groves was quickly turning out to be.

“Splendid,” Peggy curved her lips into a forced, tight-lipped grin. “Let’s get going.”

* * *

The first three days were just spent organizing the material. Everything was in shambles when she arrived, so Peggy tried her best to bring some order to her temporary prison. Daniels was little to no help in the organization department, and was underlying frustrated whenever she gave him any direction, like taking any kind of order from a woman was leaving a nasty taste in his mouth. Peggy had no problem getting a bit barky when he started acting like a prick, which didn’t help his attitude at all. She resorted to as little conversation as possible, and pushed through each day’s work in an effort to just make it to quitting time.

Those first few nights she spent all alone in her empty bunk room, Peggy found her mind wandering to Steve and the Commandos. She prayed they were safe and successful, and that they would come back unscathed. She obviously and particularly thought about Steve, hoping extra hard that he was well. She’d fall asleep picturing his face; with its captivating eyes and stunning smile that made her heart beat more rapidly than she was comfortable with. She’d think of his voice and its low and calm tone, the one that was so comfortable to talk to. And in her more lonely hours, she’d find herself thinking about the way he pressed her frame against the mattress, making her whole body feel like it was going to flutter into the air. The handkerchief he’d drawn on for her sat folded on the ground next to her mattress, close enough that she could pick it up and study it more in the hours she would lie awake. The details of the rose had already begun to bleed more into the thread, but to her it was still a special little piece of art. In short, she missed him. As much as she wished she didn’t, Peggy couldn’t help but more and more look forward to seeing Steve again.

* * *

The days rolled by, without getting much easier. Once the information finally had some order to it, Peggy went ahead in showing Daniels the ropes. He still made a quiet fuss about being taught by a woman, but he eventually got over it for the most part once they were neck deep in work. They found a nice system eventually- Peggy would do most of the deciphering while Daniels would type up their findings. He got the hang of it quickly, which made it all slightly less terrible. Once the day would come to a close, Peggy would stay up late into the night typing up extra copies of their work to take back to London. Most of the information she untangled managed to fly right over her head as far as comprehension was concerned. It was all deeply detailed and scientific and strategic- Howard would have a field day whens she got back. Each night, she stayed up later and later, forcing away the sleep she drastically needed. On top of losing more and more sleep each night, Peggy was sure the room got colder and colder everyday. Once, she was positive she saw her breath from beginning to end of their workday. She knew it could have been worse, but the constant chill to the bones was doing her no favors. She tried her best to treat Christmas like any other damn day to push away the thought of her lonely parents, though knowing that it was just the two of them sitting at home still made her stomach feel odd. She decided to actually turn in early that night.

After two and a half weeks of muddling through muck, it was _finally_ time to return back to the bunker. Though she was exhausted and bitterly cold, Peggy was quick about throwing her things together to get the hell out of there. After her belongings and her new files were safely tucked away in her bag, she went to find the Commander and say her goodbyes.

“Back to London with you?” He asked when he saw her approaching.

“Yes, sir. I’ve done all I can here. And if anything else comes up, I trust Daniels can handle it.”

“Good, thank you for your help.” Though he was saying thank you, not an ounce of him sounded truly genuine.

“You’re welcome. All the best, Commander.” She said with a salute before she was headed on her way.

* * *

Of course, the way home took longer than expected as well, pushing her journey home back an extra day and a half. She spent New Year’s somewhere in Northern France, again, without anyone to share it with other than the French soldier escorting her back to the English Channel, who knew little to no English. Each day that passed left her feeling more and more drained, and she felt like her bed back the bunker was screaming for her.

The sense of relief she felt when she finally returned wasn’t as warm as she had hoped- nearly half of the people in the bunker had come down with something nasty, so work there had been behind as well.

“You look like a million bucks, Peg.” Howard said after her meeting with both him and Phillips. He’d followed her to the kitchen where she was getting herself some tea. She wasn’t feeling up to his sarcasm, but it was nice to actually have someone willingly speak to her and treat her as a real, living and breathing human being.

“So does everyone else here. How aren’t you as ill as them?” she asked as she sipped at her tea. The warmth of it felt like it was burning a hole down her throat, that chill from Belgium hadn’t left her yet.

Howard shrugged and smirked. “Just special, I guess.”

She rolled her eyes and nodded, a quick grin on her face too. “How were things here without me?”

“Well, without you and the Commandos here for all of the fun, it was boring as hell. But the late Christmas gifts you brought back for me should keep me busy for a while.”

“Glad I could help, I suppose.” She said as she took another sip. “Everyone I was with was an absolute wanker. Every last one of them. It was like I was only half a person or something.”

“Good news about being back is now you get to go back to being treated like at least seventy-five percent of a person.” He narrowed his eyes with another stupid grin like he actually thought he was funny.

“Hilarious, Howard,” She mumbled and jokingly bumped his shoulder with hers as she walked passed him. Before she headed straight back to her room, she turned to him once more. “Any news?” She knew he’d pick up what she meant.

He pursed his lips and shook his head. “Nothing, but I’m taking it as no news is good news. They should be back soon, Peg.”

She nodded once slowly, peering down at her tea.

“He’s fine,” He said, trying for reassurance.

“I know,” she said softly. “I’ll see you in the morning, Howard.”

“Get some rest, Peg. The million bucks thing was a stretch.”

She smiled, feeling glad to be back again before heading straight to her room. Climbing into her bed felt like a relief, even with its old sheets and somewhat coarse blanket. She was asleep before the cup of tea on her bedside table went cold.


End file.
